I want to say it's been a shitty week or so, but that seems, mmmm, kinda like a too-obvious bad joke given my colonoscopy yesterday.
Oh well, what the hell.
As most had told me, the worst part of it was drinking the torture water the night before. Being the obedient good girl I am I drank it exactly as the directions stated, 32 oz within the hour. I had to force it down and felt like I was going to throw it up. Which I did midway through experiencing the results of it. Can we just say insult + injury? Geesh. The next day I gave myself more time to drink it and it was much easier. I did find that a day and a half without food made me spacy....I swear to God I couldn't follow the first nurse's questions, even though they were things like, "Are you still 5'6"?" Of course that question always makes me pause because I don't think I ever WAS 5'6" until one particular nurse measured my height a few years ago....
I knew that they don't totally knock you out for colonoscopies....but I thought I'd be knocked out more. I was awake for much of it....I'm sure I slept some....but I still could feel what they were doing, hear what they were saying, and able to watch my little innards on the screen. I kept thinking, "Wait, is this still prep?.....because I thought I was supposed to be asleep." But no, they wheeled me back and I realized I was done. All was good....no polyps, no cancer. Thank you very much.
They said I would be sleepy for the rest of the day and probably have gas. Negative to both. What I was? Cranky and pissy. Please don't ask my family for details. And a little reminder to all family members: When I have another colonoscopy in ten years, don't leave it up to me as to what I want for dinner because even though you're trying to be thoughtful, that requires me to think and trying to think after not eating for two days is not feasible. What happens is me saying we shouldn't spend the money on the Chinese take-out I WANT, and then trying to figure out recipes and menus that are: a) something I want, b) something for which we have the necessary ingredients, c) something at least one of my children will eat, and THAT all leads to more crankiness and pissiness and eventually tears and hostility.
Please tell me these evenings happen to you and your family.
You can lie if you have to.
Really. Go ahead. Lie.
Later I couldn't even fall asleep but eventually I did and had the weirdest dreams ever....leading me to wake up this morning confused and telling Ernie that I couldn't go to work. What I didn't tell him was that I couldn't go to work because he and I needed to find a new place to live because the place I HAD found in our new town (a combination of Detroit and Columbus) was really a dorm for girls and even though our dorm room was bigger than most and had cool blue lights hanging down (and it was a nice old building), it was in no way big enough for house concerts and the narrow hallways were going to make me claustrophobic. I woke up later and thought, "Huh." I was glad I decided to stay home because all the gas they said I would have yesterday has arrived today and the thought of sitting next to a poor, innocent colleague during all that just seems wrong. On top of that my back is freaking killing me in a way it hasn't for a long time so here I am. Home and ready to take some beautiful little analgesics.
Then I went on facebook and one of my favorite blogs had a post with a picture that just kind of irritated me. For an image representing 'ride' they had a picture of a pin up girl leaning over a motorcycle. Eh. You know, same girl sitting on the motorcyle? No problem. The girl bent over with her ass in the air like gee, you could rider her too? Irritating. Tiresome. So I left comment saying 'great image.' It was liked immediately and I realized that I might need to explain that I was being sarcastic. Then I looked at all the other responses which were 99.9 percent from males, including song suggestions like Queen's 'Fat Bottomed Girls' (which didn't even have the word 'ride' in the title as requested, but I guess they thought they were being so clever that it didn't matter), and thought to myself, "Cynthia....this just isn't the day to get into it."
And so it goes.