It is so funny the way memories and triggers work. Last night I was catching up on Outlander with some friends (overall I think I like Outlander better with wine, just fyi). There was a scene in which one of the characters experiences flashbacks to a wartime scene and hearing a wounded soldier crying out for his mother. For some reason, in the middle of this lovely evening, all of a sudden all I could think of was my sister, as she was dying, calling out for my mother in the middle of the night.
I sat there, trying to watch, but I couldn't get Judi calling out, "Mom, Mom," out of my mind. I would run into her room and tell her I was there and she would calm down. Then I remembered bringing my Mom over to the house so she could see Judi when we thought it was getting close to the time Judi wouldn't be able to make it downstairs again. My mother was in a wheelchair and in pain, so there was no way we could get her upstairs. I can't even remember calling my mother to tell her when Judi was gone. Maybe my sister Debbie did that. I sat there last night with blurry eyes thinking about my mother receiving that call.
I wanted to sob. I couldn't believe how it hit me. I nudged Ernie awake and trying to wipe my eyes surreptitiously. I chatted to my friends and tried to drive it out of my head.