Yesterday was a good day.
Leo spent the afternoon at Parkland registering for classes. He texted me at one point, while he was waiting for an appointment, and sent me a picture of his new ID. He said, “I know you’ll want to see this so I’ll just show this to you now.” I, of course, excitedly said, “I LOVE IT!” and he calmly replied, “of course you do.” I love that boy so much. Thing #1. He seems pleased with his classes too…well, except the required public speaking class…ha. It’s exciting to see him moving to this next phase of life. I remember he liked middle school more than grade school, and high school more than middle school…the more autonomy he gets, the better. Then he can just go about things in his quiet, competent way. We’re busy planning for his fall…talking about cars and busses and schedules and a laptop to use. I’m so proud of who Leo is. I don’t write as much about him here because I try to respect his privacy, but Leo is an utter joy to me. I also understand Leo as we are so much alike. The other day I was recounting a childhood story of mine to Owen and he was laughing at me and saying, “Mom, that’s crazy, why didn’t you just ASK your grandfather for the red metal cup when he got you a coke?” I replied, “Think of Leo,” and he immediately said, “Ohhhhh, yeah, I see.” Leo and I, we understand each other pretty well.
Thing #2, well, he’s a whole different kettle of fish. As I commented on Facebook earlier, “He may be the death of me, but it will be a fun ride.” He’s delighted with his new glasses, particularly with the clip-on sunglasses. He thinks that’s hysterical.
I love them both so much, and all I want is happiness in life for them. I know that’s a lot to ask of life though; it’s not so easy for many of us to find happiness, at least when we need it the most. I was horrified by the news of Anthony Bourdain’s suicide this morning. I was blearily trying to wake up, as this medication really knocks me out, but once I looked at the news on my phone all sleepiness vanished. I keep reading the news stories over and over, thinking one of them will be different or explain it so it makes sense. The pain of depression doesn’t make sense though so I know I won’t find that. I am so utterly saddened by this news. I read about other deaths, like Kate Spade’s just this week, and was saddened, but Anthony Bourdain? That hits close to home. He felt like one of us. I pray my boys don’t ever find themselves in that dark place.
My beloved sweet peas.
RIP Anthony Bourdain.