The Sandwich Life

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  The other day we were driving and Ernie put on a Zappa tape.  "ugh" I said mentally but Owen said, "Is this the guy who died of prostitute cancer Dad?"  Ernie of course snorted and I said, "well yeah honey, but actually it's called prostate cancer."  Owen insisted, "No, people call it prostitute cancer." I glared at Ernie who was still making noises and said, "uh well, no, actually a prostitute is someone who has sex for money and a prostate is part of a man's body."  Of course then poor Owen was mortified and cranky because I'd mentioned sex....so I tried to be helpful by segueing into the difference between prostate and prostrate because an amazing number of people call it prostrate cancer....  Ernie finally got control of himself and then....well, we were just quiet for the rest of the drive......

2.  The boys had a wonderful time trick or treating and came home with plastic pumpkins FULL of candy.....but without a SINGLE Butterfingers.  The deal is that they ALWAYS give me their Butterfingers....I mean WTF????  Luckily Owen is my sweet pea and when he went to the grocery store today with his father he asked if he could buy a Butterfingers for me.....and as he gleefully said, "IT'S HUGE!"

3.  This nursing home stuff is painful.  I'm too sad to even talk about it and I feel absolutely lost.  It's funny----either Debbie or Judi would be better advocates for my mother than I am.....yet here I am.  I'm trying....I really am but all I can say is that it's breaking my heart.  Just breaking it.  I love her so much and yet I don't know if I'm doing the best I can for her.

4.  We'll see how things go....we may have to bring my Mom's cat Annie back to stay with us for a while.....  Poor Abby, who was named after Abigail Adams, is gone.  I forget who Annie was named after.  My father was a big fan of John and Abigail Adams.  I  miss him.

5.  Remember the two little old white houses that Owen and I photographed because we were worried about them?  We pulled up to the parking lot for the farmers' market on Saturday only to be met by empty lots....they have been torn down.  Owen was sad and frustrated and kept saying, "but all they needed was some paint and someone to take care of them."  I know honey.....I know.

6.  Today Owen was talking about some kids that he sometimes has problems with and he said, very earnestly as he is wont to do, "you know I think the reason they pick on us is because they're jealous of us.  I mean look at this great house we have, and our garden and we have friends, and I mean....I'm even friends with Adam SCHMITT.  I bet they don't know any singers like that" and he nodded seriously.  I assured him he was right because, of course......he is.

7.  Some beautiful heirloom sweet potatoes from the last farmers' market.  Aren't they beautiful?

I Hope Adam Doesn't Mind....and Other Notes....

1.  Oh good LORD....it's been a hell of a couple of days.  Although....to be fair....we've had worse and so has everyone else no doubt.   It just makes me....tired.....it doesn't seem to matter HOW much I sleep....I'm just tired.

2.  My mother is o.k......they are starting some tests and waiting for the fluid to dissipate so they can do more tests...she is relatively cheerful...I think we're all relieved to have her someplace safe....she'll be in the hospital for a bit....

3.  The weekend was phenomenonally shitty.  I won't bore you with the details.....just rest assured that the happy family friendly weekend I had planned of ignoring the mess in the house/going to a pumpkin chucking event in Sullivan on Saturday/the Piatt County barn tour on Sunday/a party at Dave's house.....well, it just didn't happen.....the only thing we managed was Dave's party which was delightful but I was exhausted and went home early to sit with a sad boy.

4.  The weekend ended with a couple of older kids (one of whom is like family and should know better) harassing Owen and another little kid....goading them to wrestle by telling them mean things to say to each other....Owen is just gullible and sensitive enough to DO it AND be hurt by it.  I tell you.....there is no fury like a Cynthia with a child scorned.....NOTHING CAN COME CLOSE TO HOW PISSED I AM.  sigh.  And the reportedly they made fun of his plans to be Joey Ramone for Halloween.  Damn them....if you could have seen his little face when he told me that.  Damn them.....damn them.....damn them.

5.  SPEAKING of Halloween....I do hope Adam doesn't mind.....but Owen has changed his plans.  Owen had planned to go as Adam Schmitt.  Now, as much as I adore Adam....I was a tad worried about this.....I knew that would mean that Owen would want to cut and dye his hair and I also wasn't sure how much of the trick or treating public would recognize Owen as Adam Schmitt....  Anyway....I think Adam will understand particularly when he hears that Owen has changed his mind and decided to go as.....Joey Ramone.  He's on a kick of watching Rock and Roll High School (Owen, not Adam).  Owen's very excited and I've already ordered him a little jacket and a Ramones t-shirt and when he confessed that they'd made fun of him and he looked SO sad.....well....let me tell you....there is nothing worse than a pissed Cynthia....just take my word for it.....

6. Today was a crazy day between the hospital and trying to snap out of my funk.  Ernie took me to lunch at Fries and Peanuts and we each had a cup of Cream of Chicken and Wild Rice soup which our beloved Amy recommended and it was delicious and incredibly comforting.  It somehow made things better.   Life is still good when a cup of soup can make things better, huh?  I think the reason I've been in such a funk is that I feel as though we've been waiting for the other shoe to drop with my mother and now I'm afraid it's dropping....and let's face it.....there's no light at the end of this tunnel....

7.  I have some wonderful personal emails that I haven't responded to but I will.....and thanks for all the kindness.

Gimme a V.....Gimme an E.....Gimme an R.....Gimme a......

1.  Yup.  I'm happy.  My knee hurts like hell and I think I'm going to borrow some of my mother's vicodin today but that's OK because we had a WONDERFUL time last night.

2.  The Vertebrats sounded wonderful....I'm sad that Roy wasn't there....if for no other reason to have that visual image of all of them on that stage together.  However----the bass playing of Mark Rubel is pretty damn wonderful so they did sound great.  Their voices sounded really strong----so it wasn't just their playing---between Jimmy, Matt and Kenny combined with the power of John Richardson's drumming and Mark's bass....they were....well....they were my Vertebrats and more.....

3.  Milktoast was wonderful....ragged but right to quote a George Jones song.....and of course I love hearing Ernie sing.  Owen was in awe of them....he kept turning to me with his mouth open and his hands spread, yelling, "I can't believe they're this good.  I didn't KNOW Dad could sing this great" in great joy.  Of course in the chaos of getting there and getting the guys settled I didn't change the settings of my camera so my pictures of Milktoast look like this:

 

Does anybody out there have a good picture of them?  All photo contributions welcome!

4.  Owen was not just in awe of how many drumsticks Pat broke or how wonderful Milktoast was or how exciting it was to be at Cowboy Monkey (on the way there he confessed that he thought we'd be going someplace out of town.....like.....Urbana).  He was, of course, over the moon....because.....yes....he met ADAM SCHMITT.  And Adam could not have been more charming.  I already thought Adam was a lovely guy but for being so sweet to an adoring young fan I will love him forever.  Owen's mantra on the way home and this morning....."Adam seems like a REALLY nice guy" and then a few moments later, "Adam seems like a REALLY nice guy."  Leo and I were outside waiting (the noise and crowd was a bit much for Leo although he says his father was 'wonderful' when Ernie and Owen burst out with Owen holding two drumsticks of Pat's saying in an awed voice, "Mom.....Adam says he wants to see me AGAIN sometime."

Life is good.

5.  One of my favorite moments of the night was sitting outside with Leo waiting for Ernie and Owen to come out so I could drive the boys back to our neighbor Dave's house.  I introduced Phil Harris (whom I adore and yes you're going to get a lot of comments like that in this post) to him and Phil said, in perfect understanding, "so are you having a shitty time right now?"  Leo blinked up at him and said, "what?"  perhaps amazed that someone other than his father was using this word so Phil repeated his questions and Leo said, "well kinda."  My sweet pea.  It's always so nice when someone understands....

6. So many people that I got to see and not talk enough to....but tonight there will be more chances hopefully....

7.  Look what our beloved Jim Dennison created for the evening.  They were in hot demand.

8.  Personally, I thought Berni and Ernie (WHY do Berni and Wendy have to live so far from us?) were the two best dressed last night.....

9.  More to come of course.....and in the meantime if anyone has any pictures they wouldn't mind me posting of the weekend please send them!

Karma Alert, Karma Alert, Karma Alert

Oh for the love of God.....Owen and I are home sick today.  If this fucks with Milktoast and the Vertebrats this weekend I'll...I'll.....I'll....uh need more antidepressants I guess.  I assume we'll be o.k....I'm feeling better than I was this morning and Owen is pretty perky....so as long as Owen is o.k. on Friday we're good to go....I'd drag myself there no matter what.....

I don't think I was the best mother when I realized Owen was getting sick.  For a couple of days he's been complaining about food not tasting right so I should have known.  I just said, "OH, you HAVE to be o.k. for Friday night with Daddy and Adam Schmitt."  He looked pathetic (which he is good at I might note) and said, "well, what will happen if I'm sick?"  I thought about it and said, "well.....SOMEbody will stay with you."  How's that for motherly tenderness?  HA!  Then he asked what would happen if he was REALLY sick and I started feeling guilty so I said that of course I would stay with him if he were REALLY sick....

He would have to be AWFULLY sick though.....sweet pea or no.....

Random Notes from a Sandwichy Weekend

1.  First and foremost.....

2.  Sunday morning I called my mother to see what time I should take her shopping.  She wasn't doing well....throwing up and couldn't figure out what to eat after her insulin.  I threw on dirty clothes and ran over.  I got her settled and cheered her up a bit.  I kind of figured shopping was out but then she asked when we should go.  Uh...o.k.  So off we went, me with dirty clothes and shirt that was way too heavy for the warm day (something that matters when you're hauling a wheelchair in and out of the car).  I don't think I was terribly patient.  I was hot, my knee hurt and I felt mildly crabby.  I'm not going to revisit the end of the shopping trip which at one point had me yelling, "Does it LOOK like she has a drivers' license?" to a counter full of clerks and managers.  Sigh.  Ernie keeps laughing over that line but I'm not there yet....  Then I wheeled her back to the car and my dress got caught in the wheel of her wheelchair.  Maybe another time it would have been funny.  It wasn't.  I finally just ripped it free because the only other option was stripping in the parking of lot of Kohl's.  O.k.....maybe it was a little funny....

3.  On a brighter note it is my mother's 80th birthday today.  I love you Mom.  Here she is on a trip to Rochester in 1970.

and another picture from when I was a baby.....

Happy Birthday Mom!!

4.  Owen has asked for a new Adam Schmitt shirt to wear on Friday night as he has outgrown his old ones.  gotta get cracking.....should have done that this weekend.  He also commented to me that he thinks he'd like to dress up as Adam Schmitt for Halloween.  I just said "mmm-hmmmm" because while I don't want to discourage him I fear it might be a rather SUBTLE costume for the general trick and treating public....

5.  Ernie was talking to Leo about Friday night (we're trying to prepare him for lots of people which he's not so crazy about) and they were giggling.  Ernie said, "well hopefully I won't embarrass you" to which Leo replied, "well, if this gets back to school Dad, you're going to owe me."

That is STILL making me laugh....

6.  Some nice skies this weekend.

7.  Oh, saw a nurse practitioner about my knee.  She wants me to have physical therapy for a month and see how that goes.  So much for magic solutions.  Well, actually I'm too old to think there are magical solutions.  On a bright note however....although when I took my mother clothes shopping my knee really bothered me I forgot ALL about it when I started yelling at people!

8.  Tomorrow's infusion day at the Cancer Center then Wednesday night we're celebrating Leo's and Mom's birthdays then Thursday is Leo's birthday party then Friday is MILKTOAST then Saturday is more VERTEBRATS and then I guess on Sunday I will collapse.....looking forward to it all though!!

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  Reading through my last few posts I realize that I sound whiny and dispirited.  YUCK.  I will try to snap out of that....  Onward.....

2.  Had a nice evening last night.....  I got home late as I went and spent some time with my mother as she needed some cheering up.  When I got home the boys had already eaten as they'd been out swimming for a couple of hours which always makes them hungry.  Leo sat happily curled up watching train videos on the computer and Owen begged his father to go kick a ball around in the field.  Owen was so happy he almost burst.  Every so often he'd come in to get a glass of water and chatter on about HOW much fun he and Dad were having.  He told me he wanted to do everything Dad did...."you know, MANLY things."  Whenever Leo wasn't dragging me into the kitchen to look at a particularly exciting clip of train action I was sitting in the living room, listening to Rodney Crowell and reading my new Food & Wine.  It was a nice little respite.....reminded me of how much I need to relish those moments....

3. I want Owen to have some kind of music lessons---or just be involved with music somehow as he definitely is a little musical being.  I tried to convince him to sing in the choir at Bob's church but he refused.  Piano is out because we don't have one or have the room for one....  Guitar maybe?  Does anyone have any suggestions/thoughts/recommendations??  

4.  On another note Owen can't decide what to wear to Cowboy Monkey when he goes to hear his father....and more importantly ADAM SCHMITT open for the Vertebrats.  He wants another Adam Schmitt shirt but this one with the whole band on it.  I tried to explain and got nowhere.... but we did agree that we'd look and see if there are any other pictures because he thinks Adam looks a little sad on his current shirt....

4.  Watch David Olney tonight at 6 CST on Ustream.....he's marvelously insane.....and make me VERY, very  happy.....

5.  When we drove through Naperville to stop at Penzey's and Trader Joe's I was relieved to see that the old Burker King near downtown is still there.....

Rambling Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  Eh, I've got some blahs going on.  I feel a bit overwhelmed by everything I have to do so I keep making lists in my head which is great and all that except it doesn't really get stuff DONE.  I realize I'm inviting a bunch of people to our house and we have a hole in the bathroom ceiling, no closet doors in the bathroom, the patio fence is falling apart and my yard has never looked worse.  By the way....my tomatoes aren't doing well....what is going on?  This will be the third year in a row with tomato plants that end up with some kind of blight....  That's why this year we put them in a different place and tried to amend the soil bigtime....

2.  I got home last night and there was NO LEGO on the living room floor. WOO-HOOOOOO!  The Lego club of Leo, Parker and Dema were upstairs working on a new 'base' in Owen's room.  It's pretty impressive....it even has a sliding wall.   Anyway....Dema always puts me in a good mood so that helped and then I found that the boys were going swimming at 6:00 so we happily waved them off and went outside and hung out together.  Oddly enough it was suddenly 7:30 and hungry boys were back home.  I had planned to make some lemon pasta with shrimp but the ripe tomatoes I cut for a salad were so beautiful that I ended up throwing them in the pan I had sauteed the shrimp and cooked them down with a splash of cream.  Ended up pretty wonderful----with lots of fresh basil on top.  Anyway.....the big news is that Leo ate a piece of linguine.  Yes, indeed.  No, it didn't have sauce on it but just the same he ate a piece of linguine.

3.  I've been cleaning out some old drawers...  After I threw out much of what was in it and set a couple of things aside to move elsewhere this is what was left at the bottom:

4.  When I begged for blueberry ideas the other day I had several good suggestions but I was hooked by Heather's recommendation of the blueberry bar recipe over at Farmgirl Fare.  Oh man....was THAT a good idea...  And get this....Leo even ate one.... Oh, and by the way....of course Ernie is the one that made them...thanks Ernie!

5.  I'm anxiously awaiting Ian Hunter's new album at the end of the month....just came across this clip and GOOD GOD but I love this man!  This is actually a pretty good short interview....and man does Ian look amazing or what?

6.  I've still got to get Owen's new oPod loaded with the songs he's requested.  As he explained to me this morning he wants three Adam Schmitt songs to every other song...."so Mom it's like Adam Schmitt, Adam Schmitt, Adam Schmitt, then Crazy Loop, then Adam Schmitt, Adam Schmitt, Adam Schmitt and another song....o.k. Mom?"

Yes Owen.

7.  So my new obsession is what to make for my party on the 31st.  It's a casual potluck---I'm asking to bring food or drink to share.... I figured we would do some kind of main course.  I was figuring simple grilled chicken because Ernie can do a mean grilled chicken but now I'm thinking of how much grilling time that would be....so maybe something else.  If it were winter I'd do some kind of stew or chili but that doesn't seem summery....hmmmm

Owen's Favorite Songs

Please enjoy a chance to hear Owen's ALL time favorite song.  Of course it's Adam Schmitt.....you didn't think it would be any one else, did you?  If you click over to the Power Pop blog you can hear Speed Kills....the song that started it all for Owen....

While we were on the trip at one point one of us asked Owen what his favorite songs were.  He immediately leaned forward eagerly and started reciting them:  "well....Una Mas Cerveza and Six Pack to Go (at this point my sister, who just celebrated twenty years sober CONGRATULATIONS DEBBIE looked somewhat mmmm concerned/amused/resigned) and ALL of Adam Schmitt and California Sex Lawyer....oh, and the band Cinderella (evidently he does a great imitation of the vocalist but I have yet to hear it) and Crazy Loop."

The Long Ryders and Johnny Cash got honorable mentions when we talked about this a few minutes ago and Owen and Ricky did watch Rock and Roll High School quite a few times on vacation but....

Nothing comes close to Adam Schmitt. 

Nothing.

Random Notes from Mother's Day Weekend

Look:  I stayed up after dark!  Woo-hooooo.  More importantly we saw our beloved Brad Steakley----still the best drummer in the world and an even lovelier person as well.  I think in some ways my favorite part of the evening was watching Brad stand next to Ernie while the opening band was playing---the two of them making comments along with Jeff Evans (another fantastic drummer) and laughing.  It just looked and felt so right.  So right.  Got to see lots of other people I love as well----some of whom I hadn't seen in uh, well.....DECADES....

Can you even IMAGINE Owen's reaction when we showed him an actual PHOTOGRAPH of his father with Adam Schmitt?  His mouth dropped open, his eyes rolled and he practically dropped to the floor, just saving himself at the last minute......  Great happiness at our house....

a blurry picture (sorry) of the Handcuffs....

Brad and Ernie

Working all day at a children's event after staying up late and drinking wine isn't advised.  I got home and collapsed on the couch.  Ernie said he had to go to the store, I nodded and didn't wake up til he got back. 

This morning I received breakfast in bed and then my sweet peas presented me with a heart shaped cake.  Then Owen sang Happy Mother's Day to the tune of Happy Birthday.  Several times.

Now we're off to get my mother and go out to the cemetary then I think we're coming back here and I'm going to make someone get us lunch as I'm not cooking!  I hope all the mothers I know are enjoying their Mother's Day as much as I am!

Back to Random Thinking....

1.  Ernie leaves tomorrow for his show and I kinda hate to see him go.  Usually as much as I miss him it's good to have the boys to myself for a bit(well, except for when it's not but you know what I mean).  And it's always good for him to get a chance to actually speak to other adults and have a few kid-free days.  This time though...I hate to have him leave.  With everything that's gone on I am holding tighter to him than I ever have....and given that we're pretty much joined at the hip well...that's pretty damn tight.  It will be fine...a measly two nights without out him as I think the boys and I are going to go up and join him for one night.  But just the same.....

2.  Some GOOD news from the University of Illinois today!  They are NOT going to move Mumford House.  Praise the Board of Trustees and everyone who protested the move and helped organize the protest (including my own beloved Kathleen Jones).  I have to admit I didn't write a letter as I had planned but then again I'm not at my best these days.  This is cause for celebration though!  The thought of moving that house out of its historic context for basically no reason whatsoever just made me sick. THANK  YOU TO EVERYBODY THAT PROTESTED THE MOVE! Email the Board of Trustees and say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 

3.  I've kind of had my heart and mind on lockdown in terms of Judi.  Between the pain of losing Judi and the turmoil associated with worrying about Ernie, I just couldn't think or talk about her except in the most abstract way.  That's starting to lessen a little bit. I'm starting to be able to think about her again.  It still hurts....and of course as with all grief as I have learned....it comes in waves.  I often think about the last few weeks when I would lay on the bed next to her and she would tousle my hair and pat my head and tell me she loved me.  I miss her.  I'll miss her forever.  But of course I knew I would.

4.  The other day we asked Owen if he wanted to learn how to play guitar.  He said, "only if Adam Schmitt teaches me."  Uhhhhhhh......Owen....I don't know how to tell you this......