The Sandwich Life

What Do YOU Think? and other Random Pictures....

Ernie and Owen and I went to the last farmers' market today.....it was cold but we didn't want to miss it.  So this is what I came home with (as well as a few other things).....four cauliflowers.....  So am I obsessive or just a born collector?

God help me I could NOT resist....

some other recent pictures....

I must admit I do love it when my husband sends me flowers.....

 

 

Part of this year's family of pumpkins at our house.....

Whew.

I gotta say.....this has been a LONG week.  LONG. 

REALLY long.

Soooooo.....yesterday my sister Debbie called me at work to say Happy Anniversary and also to give me a heads up that she had just spoken to our mother and that they were sending her home.  NOOOOOOOOOO......NOT TODAY I cried.  I really COULD have cried.  Evidently they had wanted her to go to a nursing home for rehab for a week and she, being the stubborn New England girl that she is, said N.O., NO.  So I called her and tried to talk to her without arguing and getting her upset and failed miserably.  Then I talked to a nurse and her homecare worker and finally gave up.  Then in the middle of my lunch out with a couple of colleagues I got a phone call from a case worker who explained that if she didn't go to a nursing home she would need 24 hour care at home.  So I sat and worried through my lunch (chicken panini and paprika chips at Picasso in Urbana....o.k.) and headed over to the hospital as soon as we were done.  I sat and talked to my mother and told her that I was worried about her going straight home----she'd been flat in bed for almost a week and when she sat up for awhile the other day it exhausted her.  She finally agreed and was pretty gracious.  She'll go for a week and get physical therapy to get her stronger so she can go home again.  Whew.

Then I raced back home so we could go to parent teacher conferences.  No problems there but I didn't want to miss them as there were a few issues I wanted to discuss.  They both have great teachers this year.....what a relief-----I am so grateful to them as I think they have very tough jobs.....  Whew.

Then we headed to Fries and Peanuts for a our celebratory anniversary drink.  We'd originally thought of something slightly more romantic but we were a bit frazzled by that point.  The boys called on the cell phone screaming at each other and I told them that if they made us come home right then they were going to BED.  That lasted about three minutes and they called back...Ernie shoved me toward the bar and took the phone outside.  He was out there a LONG time but finally came in and we sat and pondered how different our life was from 21 years ago.  Not bad mind you.....just AWFULLY different.....  Whew.

We headed home to find the boys playing in perfect harmony (grrr).  Pumpkins were carved, I played the youtube clips of Kane Welch Kaplin playing at our anniversary party last year.  Then my mother called sounded all happy, saying the nursing home was great and she was glad she was there.  Whew.

We ordered Papa Del's and curled up with the boys and ate pizza and drank prosecco......and then.....I'm ashamed to admit it....I went to bed at 8:00. 

21 years.  Whew.

I love you baby.....we'll do something more celebratory for 22.

It was still pretty great though.....

 

Brief Random Notes from a Recovering Sandwich....

1.  Flu sucks.

2.  Next year I'm getting a flu shot.

3.  I can't think when I have been so sick for so long and WITHOUT MY HUSBAND.  Who the hell told Ernie he could go do an antique show?

4.  Today is the first day I feel an improvement....I kept expecting the damn fevers et al. to let up and they just didn't.  Owen is still sick and at home as well....tomorrow we will make our painful re-entry into the real world.

5.  My mother is doing pretty well----the oxygen is helping.....only one middle of the night phone call since she got out of the hospital.  She goes to see the doctor today----Ernie went to take her yesterday but she'd gotten the time wrong and they missed the appointment.  I'm disappointed they'll see a nurse/practitioner they don't know rather than her doctor as I love her doctor....oh well.  I guess we're looking at congestive heart failure.

6.  I'm better but not up to writing more....

The Care of Owen, Leo and the Vertebrats.....

I woke up in the night freezing cold and burning hot at the same time, coughing, head full of pain and aching everywhere. 

Damn it.

Owen, (who likes to sleep in Ernie's spot when he's out of town) touched my head and told me I was burning up so he led me downstairs to get water and ibuprofen and then wrapped me up in a blanket telling me, "it's o.k. Mommy, you're going to be o.k."  I slept late this morning and just crawled out of bed.  The boys are being wonderful taking care of themselves as well as me.

But the final bit of healing?  Getting to see the Vertebrats Saturday November 3 version of Electric Chair.  Yes, the version with Bob Draznik and Kim Butler with the inimitable Jimmy and the boys.

Ahhhhh.  Life is good.  Thanks Pete.

Thanks a Whole Hell of a Lot Carle Foundation Hospital

O.K....so my mother might be released from the hospital tomorrow.  Her heart seems to be doing o.k.  She told me she was scared about being home though.  I said, well gee... maybe home is not where you should be.   So I called Carle and was directed to her case manager.  I told her I was concerned about my mother living at home, that we had discussed the possibility of assisted living but that I didn't know if she would be able to handle even that at this point.  She asked me if I wanted her to go into a nursing home....I said I didn't know and I asked if there was someone that could help us evaluate the situation. Oh yes she said----she would speak to my mother and call me back.  So she went and talked to my mother and told her I wanted her to go into a nursing home.  My mother said, unsurprisingly enough, NO and that I knew that she didn't want to go into a nursing home.  Gee thanks a whole lot for the help lady.  So then this woman calls me and sort of LAUGHINGLY tells me that my mother doesn't want to go into a nursing home.  I kid you not.  She fucking laughed.

Thanks a whole fucking lot Carle.  That was WONDERFULLY helpful. That was REALLY a 'thoughtful patient assessment'----what a great 'holistic psychosocial assessment.'  uh-HUH.....yeah.....what a resource you have proven to be.

Way to go Carle....that was just a HUGE help to the family.....

Let's see....here's what it says on the website:

Discharge Planning

Carle Foundation Hospital utilizes patient advocates, Nurse Case Managers and Social Worker Case Managers, to help patients and their families prepare for discharge. Case Managers are licensed healthcare professionals who conduct patient assessments and strive to coordinate the patient’s journey throughout the healthcare continuum. Social Workers strive to perform holistic psychosocial assessments with an emphasis on an individual’s strengths and support system. These advocates take referrals from patients, family members, physicians, nursing staff, and other service departments. Case Managers and Social Workers collaborate with physicians and the interdisciplinary team to convene care conferences and address the patient’s needs comprehensively. Listed below are some of the services to expect from these individuals.

• Discharge Planning
• Coordinate post hospital services
• Illness counseling
• Assistance with adoptions
• Abuse and/or neglect reports
• Guardianship
• Substance abuse intervention
• Living situation concerns
• Financial issues
• End-of-life situations

Thanks SO much Carle Hospital for really taking the time to "address the patient's needs comprehensively." 

So my 80 year old mother who is confined to a wheelchair and having problems transferring herself will go back to living by herself without even any recommendations or advice.

Thanks a LOT Carle Foundation Hospital.

Maybe I should ask them to do a 'holistic psychosocial assessment' on ME, huh?

Thump......back to the Sandwich Life....

The only way to get me to stay up late is either to have me worry obsessively about something or put a great band in front of me.  So the Vertebrats got me to stay up past dark both Friday and Saturday---woo-hooooo---even though our children chose to get us (well, actually I mean Ernie) up early both days.  Sunday night we were all so tired that we were getting cranky with one another by 9:00 p.m.  I tumbled into bed then and Ernie not long after....bed and sleep has rarely felt so good.  When the phone rang at 3:00 in the morning I came to blearily and listened as Ernie searched for the phone that is supposed to be next to our bed.  As he raced downstairs I lay there thinking, "wrong phone number, wrong phone number, please let it be a wrong phone number."  No such luck.  My mother had fallen trying to transfer herself from her wheelchair back into bed after getting up to go to the bathroom.  Ernie was wonderful as always and took off so he could let the paramedics in.  I dozed on and off waiting for him.  He was back by 4 am but it took a long time for us to go back to sleep.

After work today I'll go over to the hospital supply place and see if I can get something to help her with the transferring.

sigh.

I don't think I even told you that last week on one of the days I was sick Ernie woke me up mid morning to say that my mother couldn't manage to get dressed and needed help.  I just stared at him....pretty much saying, "are you fucking kidding me?" with my eyes.  He offered to go but hell she needed help with her underwear....I couldn't do that to either of them.  She just doesn't function well in the morning.  So I pulled myself out of bed and drove over....probably unsafely but what are you going to do?  Owen was sick as well so Ernie needed to stay with him.  I got her dressed, got her insulin and breakfast into her and headed home and back to bed.

sigh.

On the way over I was in this bleary, spacy state and it came to me that perhaps I have these challenges in taking care of loved ones in ill health because I haven't adequately challenged myself in other areas of my life.  It felt like a revelation at the time but now I'm chalking it up to a fever.....  Who knows why these are some of the challenges that I won in the  challenge lottery.....I won far more blessings so I'm not complaining but I AM worrying about the future for my mother.....no question about that.

Now my sweet pea Leo is sick.  This is the second day he's had a fever.  It's not outrageously high but high enough to make him feel awful and of course he refuses to take tylenol until he's at the point where he's too sick to argue.  He seems a tiny bit better today.....at least he THOUGHT about eating...but still has a fever so I don't know if he'll make school tomorrow either.

By the time I got home last night from an evening work program he was already in bed.  Owen met me at the door, kissed me, apologized for earlier foul behavior, fed me grapes and kissed me again.  Then he leaned against a chair and talked about how he really hoped Leo was going to be o.k. because, as he said, "I sure love that guy."  Then he proceeded to tell knock-knock jokes, tryed to pretend to be a banana and other activities that I can't quite describe.  Whenever I spend time with one of my children alone I realize how wonderful it is and what a good thing it is that neither of them are only children LOL.  Owen did tell me that feelings sometimes seemed like food.  Evidently when you're mad it feels as though you're a nacho and somebody is crunching you, when you're sad it feels as though you're a popsicle being licked and when you're happy you feel like a piece of bread being toasted.

And there you have it.....the Sandwich Life in a nutshell.....

And just to make me happy.....another video of the Brats----one of my favorite songs: Turn On Your Face....

Even Jesus.....

Leo's birthday party was a great success and he is delighted with it.  I did discover that if you turn over the planning and management of a birthday party to a ten year old you end up with incredible amounts of candy but you know.....Leo is happy and thinks it was a wonderful party and I love him so much it hurts so what the hell.......

I sent Ernie off to the Vertebrats show at Amara.  I had thought about all of us going but I am tired and I could tell the boys weren't up for it.  Leo wanted to be home and savor his birthday presents and memories of his party.  He miraculously remembered that he hadn't done his homework and got it out and did it.  He really may be more responsible than his parents....  The boys watched tv for a little bit but I could tell they were tired so I put Leo to bed (first time putting a ten year old to bed!).  We've been having thunder and lightening on and off all evening and Owen was very scared so he shadowed me the whole time and asked to stay with me downstairs.  As we were putting Leo to bed Owen was flinching at the lightening and Leo told him maybe it was just aliens outside taking pictures.  THANKS LEO.  We came downstairs and I accompanied Owen to the bathroom.  As he peed he looked at me and said, "you're really the best mother a kid could ever have Mom."  He thought for a minute and said, "even an ADULT would think you were the best mother they could have."  As we walked back to the couch so he could curl up with me he added, "even JESUS would be happy to have you as a mother."   All I really could do was kiss him and tell him the best thing in the world was being his mother and let him lay his sleepy little head in my lap. 

A few minutes later he whispered that he thought the lightening was just Jesus taking pictures of the earth.

I swear to God I don't know how I got so lucky.....

I hope Ernie is having a good time.

Karma Alert, Karma Alert, Karma Alert

Oh for the love of God.....Owen and I are home sick today.  If this fucks with Milktoast and the Vertebrats this weekend I'll...I'll.....I'll....uh need more antidepressants I guess.  I assume we'll be o.k....I'm feeling better than I was this morning and Owen is pretty perky....so as long as Owen is o.k. on Friday we're good to go....I'd drag myself there no matter what.....

I don't think I was the best mother when I realized Owen was getting sick.  For a couple of days he's been complaining about food not tasting right so I should have known.  I just said, "OH, you HAVE to be o.k. for Friday night with Daddy and Adam Schmitt."  He looked pathetic (which he is good at I might note) and said, "well, what will happen if I'm sick?"  I thought about it and said, "well.....SOMEbody will stay with you."  How's that for motherly tenderness?  HA!  Then he asked what would happen if he was REALLY sick and I started feeling guilty so I said that of course I would stay with him if he were REALLY sick....

He would have to be AWFULLY sick though.....sweet pea or no.....

Random Notes from a Sandwichy Weekend

1.  First and foremost.....

2.  Sunday morning I called my mother to see what time I should take her shopping.  She wasn't doing well....throwing up and couldn't figure out what to eat after her insulin.  I threw on dirty clothes and ran over.  I got her settled and cheered her up a bit.  I kind of figured shopping was out but then she asked when we should go.  Uh...o.k.  So off we went, me with dirty clothes and shirt that was way too heavy for the warm day (something that matters when you're hauling a wheelchair in and out of the car).  I don't think I was terribly patient.  I was hot, my knee hurt and I felt mildly crabby.  I'm not going to revisit the end of the shopping trip which at one point had me yelling, "Does it LOOK like she has a drivers' license?" to a counter full of clerks and managers.  Sigh.  Ernie keeps laughing over that line but I'm not there yet....  Then I wheeled her back to the car and my dress got caught in the wheel of her wheelchair.  Maybe another time it would have been funny.  It wasn't.  I finally just ripped it free because the only other option was stripping in the parking of lot of Kohl's.  O.k.....maybe it was a little funny....

3.  On a brighter note it is my mother's 80th birthday today.  I love you Mom.  Here she is on a trip to Rochester in 1970.

and another picture from when I was a baby.....

Happy Birthday Mom!!

4.  Owen has asked for a new Adam Schmitt shirt to wear on Friday night as he has outgrown his old ones.  gotta get cracking.....should have done that this weekend.  He also commented to me that he thinks he'd like to dress up as Adam Schmitt for Halloween.  I just said "mmm-hmmmm" because while I don't want to discourage him I fear it might be a rather SUBTLE costume for the general trick and treating public....

5.  Ernie was talking to Leo about Friday night (we're trying to prepare him for lots of people which he's not so crazy about) and they were giggling.  Ernie said, "well hopefully I won't embarrass you" to which Leo replied, "well, if this gets back to school Dad, you're going to owe me."

That is STILL making me laugh....

6.  Some nice skies this weekend.

7.  Oh, saw a nurse practitioner about my knee.  She wants me to have physical therapy for a month and see how that goes.  So much for magic solutions.  Well, actually I'm too old to think there are magical solutions.  On a bright note however....although when I took my mother clothes shopping my knee really bothered me I forgot ALL about it when I started yelling at people!

8.  Tomorrow's infusion day at the Cancer Center then Wednesday night we're celebrating Leo's and Mom's birthdays then Thursday is Leo's birthday party then Friday is MILKTOAST then Saturday is more VERTEBRATS and then I guess on Sunday I will collapse.....looking forward to it all though!!

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  We received this picture of Leo recently.  It was taken onstage at Krannert Center when he received his Outstanding Student award.  Could it look anymore like a mug shot?  It really cracked us up----if only they'd taken a sideways shot as well!!!!

2.  Leo was being kind of iffy about having a birthday party but Owen saved the day by coming up with a party activity suggestion that Leo was thrilled with.  Kudos to my Baby Owen!  Then Leo was off and running.....he wrote all the plans and lists down in a little notebook.  He kept saying, "I'm glad Owen gave me this notebook...otherwise we wouldn't be able to plan like this."  Good lord but I love that boy.  He was quivering with excitement.  I obediently ordered things online as directed.  Then he went downstairs and starting bringing his Lionel trains upstairs as he said, "it might be nice for the kids to be able to try running them."  A happy Leo is a wondrous thing.....

3.  Unfortunately this little birthday event means I won't get to see the Vertebrats playing at Amara Yoga & Arts that evening.  Technically the party will be over by then but it seems sort of rude to say 'nice party kid but I gotta run....'  Oh well....the next two nights of the Brats should give me a good fix....

4.  Ernie got new shoes.....and took a picture of them.

5.  Is it really healthy or really pathetic that the first thing I thought of this morning wasn't about my worries about my elderly mother, my kids or my husband or cancer....it instead was IT'S DAVID OLNEY DAY....WOO-HOOOOOO!!!!?  I don't know but either way I'm happy that at 6:00 CST Ernie and I will be ensconced with the laptop watching whatever has popped up in the strange but fascinating mind of Mr. Olney.  God help any child that gets in the way.....

5. I think my favorite flowers in the garden this year are the ones that reseeded and just showed up because they thought they should.....  Thank you spider flowers.