The Sandwich Life

Is it still Monday?....or Waiting for Judi....

Geesh what a day. Owen did one of his patented idon'twanttogotoschoolwhydowehavetogotoschooleverydaydon'tyellatmenobodygetsme  kind of tantrums this morning.  Then I called my mother to talk a little bit about Judi and found her all riled up, upset about her homecare worker and in tears about that and of course worried about Judy.  I got her calmed down but I gotta say...but geesh.   Anyway....had a good talk with Judi's friend Gina last night.  What I really want at this point is for Judi to come stay with us for awhile.  We have an office (more realistically a junk room) that we could turn into a room for her....I laid there in bed last night when I couldn't sleep from coughing and thought  about paint colors.  Judi sees her oncologist today.  Hopefully she can get some relief from some of the chemo side effects and get some straight answers.

Gina said Judi is worried about Ernie having to take her to chemo everyday, etc.  He has said he of course would be happy to do that but in addition we have friends that would help out, I know there are volunteers that help with that too.  We could make it work.  When things get  closer to the end I know she wants to be in an area where there is more of a Buddhist community for support....but who knows, maybe we could dig up some Tibetan Buddhists as well!

Anyway....that's my plan.  But of course you know how well my plans seem to go of late so we'll see.  So...Judi?  We're ready and waiting....

I kid you not....

I kid you not....I just got back from the emergency room.  My mother woke up at 3 a.m. with a bad reaction and chest pains and nausea....finally used her little Lifeline wrist button to call for the paramedics.  I was sound asleep---didn't even hear the phone....Ernie woke me up and told me they had called to say the paramedics had been called.  We tried calling my mom-no answer. Called the ER--no sign of her yet.  So I zoomed over to her house expecting to see ambulances, etc.  Not a sign....I went in the house and she wasn't there so I got back in the car, turned around and headed back to the hospital.  I found my mom sitting up in bed but looking rather pale.  Suffice to say....several hours later and wonderful care from our neighbor Greg the ER doc.....she is fine and back home.  Her EKG and heart enzyme test came back fine so who knows.  I'm glad she went in though even though....I gotta say.....I am TIRED.

I just came home to shower and change so I can head into work.

I feel a little numb.

This certainly puts worrying about the party and sound equipment for the band, etc. all into perspective.

Thank you all for the kind messages, thoughts and prayers about Judi.

Let's just see if I can get through the rest of this day....

Recommendations or advice anybody?

O.K.....as you may or may not know we're thinking about putting a small addition on our house so that my mother can live with us.  Anyone have a recommendation for an architect in the Champaign-Urbana area that would handle an ummm, MODEST addition to an old house?

Androids, Stormtroopers and Mom

We just got back from a successful Labor Day celebration at my mother's house.  The parade goes down the street about a half block from my Mom's hosue so we go over there and watch it and then have a picnic kind of lunch.  Owen fell asleep on the way home and as soon as he got in the house laid on the couch and said his stomach hurt.  Probably all the candy he scrounged from the parade but I forgot about that so when he said, "come here quick Mommy" I scampered in thinking he was going to get sick.  He just rolled over to face me and said, "when they say 'from the deepest part of your heart' do they mean they start at the top?

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The other day Owen was showing me something exciting on the Lego Star Wars game and I commented, "gee there's an awful lot of shooting" and he just stared at me and then said politely, "have you SEEN Star Wars?" Uh...o.k....I get your point.  Today I was quizzing Leo on the gender of various androids and stormtroopers and finally I couldn't help myself and asked why there was so much fighting.  He gave me a dumbfounded  looks and said, "Mom.....it's called Star WARS....."

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Sometimes I forget I'm living in a house full of men.  Things may change however.  This afternoon Ernie and I talked to my mother about selling her house and using some of the money to put a small addition on our house so she could live with us. We've got this goofy bathroom that was added on to the back of our dining room.  It don't think it was exactly done by a licensed contractor as the light switch for the light above the sink is in the basement.....  Anyway, it seems to me if we enlarge that a bit to the back and then extend it to the other side of the house it wouldn't be huge but it would be big enough for a little bedroom and we could redo the bathroom to make it more accessible for her.

I have to admit it's taken us awhile to get to this point.  It will be a big adjustment for all of us and I've put it off for awhile because of my concerns about Ernie's health.  But I don't know how long she can live alone but she's not ready for a nursing home yet and since the Prairie Winds debacle assisted living isn't an option either.  So Ernie and I have talked about it for awhile---we're trying to look at the whole picture. We told her we'd still want her to have her homecare person come in and help her with bathing and showering, etc.  That we'd do dinners for everyone so many nights a week but once or twice a week Ernie and I would eat late on our own or go out to dinner.  We would need her to contribute to groceries and things like that but it would ease her monthly costs a lot which she worries about.  We're trying to think it all out.

My parents had my grandfather live with them for several years and I think it was very difficult for her. She cried a little when we talked about it---saying she didn't want to infringe on our lives.  She said she knew we liked to entertain and she wouldn't want us to stop.  I told her we wouldn't stop and she could either hang out with the party or curl up in her room---that we'd muddle through all these issues.

I gotta say the thought of clearing out her house and figuring what to bring etc. would be a huge job.  And just as I thought about that her cats walked through the room.  Uh-ohhhhhhh.  The one thing Ernie really is against but they'd have to come.  We laughed a lot as we talked about it and she even promised to get hearing aids if she comes to live with us.

I told Owen what we were talking about----having Grandma come live with us and he thoughtfully said that if we turned our bed sideways in our bedroom that we could fit her bed in there too.  Uh...thanks Owen.

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I missed my father at the Labor Day parade.  My dad was all for labor.....and at the parade he would stand everytime the American flag passed.  When I mentioned yesterday that I would miss grandpa at the parade Owen thought about it and then said, "well, maybe we could bring his picture with us."  My sweet pea....

Happy Labor Day all!  Here are a few scenes from a wonderful small town Labor Day parade....the ironworkers are always our favorite part----although my Mom is a softie for the high school bands....

 

O.K....not a great picture but still a rare picture of all three of us....

good news bad news

Well the good news is that my mother came over for dinner last night and we had a lovely time.  The boys made pancakes.  Leo made a pancake Millenium Falcon, complete with cockpit, etc. Owen had a brief cranky fit but I'll take part of the blame because dinner was so late.  Anyway---had a lovely evening.  The ramp worked fine.  We got our neighbor to help taking her down the ramp and with the three of us it was a breeze.  Mom sounded really good.

The bad news....well, her homecare worker got another job.  Her plan right now is to come over to my mother's at 4:00 in the afternoon but that's not going to work longterm.  Mom's handling it pretty well----I think we should just take a wait and see attitude.  Always something, huh?

Not the way to start the week...

Phone call at 5:25 a.m. this morning.  Adrenalin rush of course.  My mother fell.  Thank God we have one of those systems in place so all she has to do is push the button on her wrist to call for help.  Anyway....Ernie went over, paramedics went over.  She is fine although her blood sugars were totally out of control.  Even though it only got us up an hour early I think we're all exhausted.  I guess it's the adrenalin rush and the anxiety that takes it out of you. 

Not the right way to start a Monday. 

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  Overall a pretty nice weekend.  Didn't make it to the farmer's market but given that I still had some things left from last week it's just as well.  Instead I got together with a good friend for coffee and then watched all my boys paint.  I let the boys convince me to buy them their first Lego Star Wars sets on Sunday.  God knows I am a sucker for those guys.....they showed me what they wanted on the computer and Leo earnestly explained to me that although on the computer they were only $10.99 each it would still be cheaper to go to Meijer where they had seen them for $11.99 each because then we wouldn't have to pay for shipping.  So I looked at those big brown eyes gazing at me so hopefully and said o.k.  We trotted off to Meijer's and the boys were beside themselves with excitement.  All the way through the store and the check out they clutched their little boxes and kept thanking me over and over.  Leo told me that I was the best mother in the history of the world and kissed me.

2.  After the three guys of the house finished the last coat of orange paint we went over and picked my mother up so we could drive out to the cemetery and see my father's headstone.  It was a beautiful day and the stone is beautiful as well.  The boys put zinnias from our garden in the little vases and then Owen asked if he could take two zinnias out and put them in front of Grandma Alice's grave.  I said of course.  Leo even let me take a picture. Look at the size of that head!  Guess I need to get him a haircut.

3.  Here is my dining room. Woo-hoooooo!

4.  I sat and talked with my mother yesterday when we got back to her house.  We were talking about my father---she mentioned the time he was stopped in the middle of the night while driving down the wrong side of the highway.  She asked when that was and I told her that was in 2004.  Then as she traced some other things---her skin cancer surgery and recovery in a nursing home, Dad's prostate surgery and his carotid artery surgery, etc. I said," yeah, that was in 2004."  "Really, those were all in 2004?"  Yep....and the two huge trees in your yard came down in a storm on the same day as Ernie's prostatectomy.  "oh, when was that?" she asked.  "2004" I replied.  "oh, and Ernie's mother Alice died that year too."  She looked at me in disbelief and I said, "yeah, that's the year I started taking antidepressents."  We both laughed because that's all you can do.

I mentioned that Dad had not done well while she was in the nursing home that year but that when she was back he was more himself.   "He loved you so much....he really needed you" I told her.  She nodded and said, "I knew I had to outlive him so I did....and then her eyes filled and she said, "I guess he didn't know how much I needed him."

5.  School starts for the boys this week.  Do I have their school supplies?  Nope.  Have I bought clothes for them?  Nope.  Have I got new shoes for them?  Nope.  Leo says he doesn't want new shoes.  I told him he could not wear shoes to school that had his toes sticking out of them.  He said, "well, they only stick out a little."  

Worry and guilt, worry and guilt....

On Sunday I did my mother's grocery shopping and then took over lunch (grilled chicken salad on pumpernickel and leftover roast beets).  We had a nice time but when I said I had to get going she said "oh you do?" so sadly.  She's really struggling with loneliness.  I am trying to make sure we do several meals with her a week and I try to call everyday.  This weekend we were over there Saturday morning as the boys wanted to stay with her rather than go to the farmer's market and then I was over again on Sunday.  Man, I'm trying but I don't know that it's enough.  I struggle with what to do.  I know some people think I should just move her in with us.  I really vacillate.  I don't know how much longer she will be able to transfer herself and then that means that given I work and Ernie is at home that I am asking him to physically care for her.  I don't know that he can handle that right now on top of dealing with the kids and everything else.  I wish the hormones had totally suppressed his cancer....it's hard to know what will happen and he is much more tired on the hormones than he was before.  Then there is also the logistical aspect of the house and fitting her in.  It's almost feels like it did with Assisted Living----there's a time frame where it works and my parents missed the window of opportunity there----by the time they tried it, it was too late for it to work.  That's kind of how I feel about this.  I just don't know. I go back and forth between worry and guilt, worry and guilt, worry and guilt.

This weekend she got a notice that the headstone was placed on my father's grave.  I suggested that we all drive out on Friday afternoon (I don't work on Friday afternoons) to see it.  The boys will want to see it---and Owen's been wanting to bring flowers out there.  I think it will be hard on my mom but she's anxious to go just the same.

In the meantime tomorrow we will have dinner over at her house. I'm trying. I'm really trying.

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  Had someone out to my mother's house and they couldn't find the possum but they did find two nests in the basement.  He couldn't figure out how it got in.  He said usually possums come in low but he could have gotten into the attic and come down through the walls.  EEEUUUUUGH!  I don't know....possums in the basement don't freak me out....possums crawling in my walls DO.  Oh....and he also saw raccoon footprints on a drain pipe near where he thinks they could have gotten in the attic....turns out raccoons can  shimmy up drain pipes.  Who knew? He's coming back today with traps.

2.  Ernie and I were driving past the old Collegiate Cap and Gown yesterday evening and we saw a badger scurry across the road.  What is going on?

3.  We can't seem to keep our pool water from turning green this year.  Something to work on when we get back from Maine.

4.  I have an incredible sinking tree in my yard.  There's a big tree in our front yard----well, actually it seems to be half on our land and half on the land of our, uh, interesting neighbor.  Branches don't break on this tree....they just sag to the ground and the other day a huge branch that is over our yard did the sag thing.  We're going to have to get it taken care of---I don't think we can do it ourselves and the tree is going to look odder than ever but God knows we can't afford to take the whole thing down.  sigh.

5.  We take off for Maine on Thursday morning and we'll be going with three boys not two.  Our beloved neighbor Ricky is going to come with us.  The boys are WAY excited....as we are!

6.  I'll miss you while we're gone little blog but I decided it would be good for me NOT to take my laptop.  That way I won't obsess about redesigning my blog and spend useless hours trying to teach myself photoshop in order to create a new banner and trying to find internet access so I can post....

7.  Ernie and I went to Barnes and Noble last night and picked out some summer reading.  One of the few times we indulge in buying books rather than going to the library is before vacation.  I was uninspired looking at fiction but got another Ruth Reichl book as well as the Barbara Kingsolver one about local eating.  Last year I read The United States of Arugula on the beach and loved it....always meant to post about it but never did....  Ernie got a book on Tom Petty.  He's kind of going through a Tom Petty phase....

8.  A bit of my borage, my pineapple mint and my thyme....

Whiskey, Tequila and Beer, oh my!

No, that's not what I drank but it is the chorus to a Dale Watson song called Honky Tonk Wizard of Oz.  Yup....Dale Watson last night at the Rose Bowl in Urbana. It's been many a night since I had quite so many of these: 

Yes, that's a champagne flute and a little bottle of Gallo wine----that's what you get when you order a glass of chardonnay at the Rose Bowl.  I like to drink wine but I don't particularly care for drinking TOO much wine and luckily I have this little switch that tells me when I should stop and it generally works quite well when I'm at home or in a bar or restaurant......unless there is live music that I'm enjoying....and then all bets are off.

Had a good weekend.  We took my mother out to lunch yesterday.  We haven't been to Fries and Peanuts with her alone since Dad died and it did make me a little sad that we fit at a smaller table now.  And I missed him playing pool with the boys....but it was a nice time despite that and then afterward we went over to West Side Park and enjoyed the sun and watching the boys race around on their bikes. Oh and by the way....we got over to my mom's house early to do shopping, etc.  I asked Ernie to look in their basement for something I wanted to borrow.  A few minutes later he popped up out of the basement rather more emphatically than usual and  closed the door quite firmly....  A possum is living in their basement.  Geesh...one more thing to take care of....

Leo with a friend from school. They look so grown UP....sigh.

 

Anyway......after bringing my  mother home I came back and took a nap.  Yes, I am becoming quite the devotee of naps.  I woke up and wondered if I really wanted to go out but then the doorbell rang and the babysitter was there.  Whoops.....guess I'm going....  

I'm glad I did as Dale Watson was great....the Rose Bowl is a wonderful place to see shows.....

Nice jacket, huh?

Ernie needing a shave and hunching down to get to Dale's height.  Dale had had quite a few drinks himself and somehow managed to kiss my hand.  I'm really not the hand kissing kind of girl but if he thought so that's fine by me:

There's more to write but that's all I have time for now....