The Sandwich Life

Sunday again....geesh.

You know, some days just go more smoothly than others.  I went to bed last night relatively cross and tired.  The damn hormones Ernie takes can make his temper flare sometimes in new and interesting ways.  Now mind you…the man has a temper of his own so I don’t blame the hormones for everything but as any woman knows….hormones can push you over the edge sometimes. And when he gets irrational---insisting the meat from the grill had been on long enough and the fire was very hot when the meat was still half raw…..I mean, did he have some new and rare heat-impervious meat?......I blame it on the hormones and he should count himself lucky that I do so.  Anyway  I woke up and reminded Owen that we were going to church to see Father Joe wear the vestments that Debbie gave him and he gave me an “I KNOWWWW” and thus the mood for the morning was set.  Getting Owen to get ready in the morning is a one of mankind’s major challenges.  Eventually I dragged a remorseful Owen off to church, racing my little minivan down University Avenue so we wouldn’t be late.  Church was fine although all I could do was sit and think about how I could escape from the whole household that afternoon.  Halfway through the mass Owen asks where the bathroom is.  Groan.  I asked him if he could hold it and he nodded and said very earnestly, “for another minute or so.”  So we took off looking for a bathroom, finally found it and managed to get back to our pew right before communion.  I got a picture of Owen with Father Joe but it doesn’t show the vestment off too well-----sorry Debbie.

We went over to the parish center for coffee and doughnuts although I don’t know why I say that---my father was the only one that had coffee.  Owen had a doughnut and chocolate milk and I had the big cream filled doughnut type thing that Owen had suggested for me because he had put his hand all over it---and a glass of milk.  Owen drove me crazy and wasn’t quite as charming as I would have liked when someone I knew came over to chat.  Ah well.  We headed off to my mother’s house to do her grocery shopping.  We walked in and the place reeked of the cats’ litterbox.  Evidently her homecare person hadn’t gotten to it this week.  So I went into the kitchen and my mother told me there was a bird in the house.  This is not what I was in the mood for.  Mom suggested I use a plastic grocery bag to catch it.  Huh?  Eventually I did try that because I couldn’t find a damn thing else to use.  Of course the bird just flew at me and I screamed and the poor bird was terrified.  Then I found a wicker trash can and tried to scoop it up in that---it managed to get away but flew towards the door I had propped open. O-kaaaaaay.  Cleaned the litterbox and started going over the shopping list with my mother.  I was feeling mildly irritable so when she started telling me that she couldn’t afford hummus I tried to say that she HAD to have food and food costs money….all of a sudden Owen yelled, “HEY…she’s your mother.”  “Yeah?  I know,” I said and then he continued, “well she’s your mother so she’s the boss of you and the boss of her house and you were using a voice like you were the boss of her.”   I was struck silent.  Owen and my mother both gave me pleased smiles so I said, “o.k…..I’m going to the store and the pharmacy and left.”  He was right.  He was definitely right.

Finished running around, said good bye and Owen and I went home.  I was exhausted and needed awhile to recover.  Poor Ernie tried to get me into a good mood to no avail.  Finally we wrestled the guys into the car and went and got paint samples at Lowe’s.  I hate Lowe’s.  The paint guy was patently stupid and not even amusingly stupid enough to recount here.  I got confused by the pool chemicals and the boys were being less than enthusiastic.  We got home and put some samples of Indiana Clay and Ripe Persimmons on the wall.  We’re sitting outside now and I think my mood is finally lightening.  Tomorrow is a busy day at work with my boss back for the first time in a month.  Maine is not far off…our van needs work….the boys are pissed at me for not letting them watch tv or play on the computer right now.  Eh well. Another Sunday.

Here's my first harvest of my pole beans....they were AMAZINGLY beany!!  So all is not bad.....

Random Reasons I Love My Husband

1.  We were sitting outside in the yard the other day when he got up and came back with long extensions cords and a boombox.  He then proceeded to put this on:

2.  He took the boys to Toys R Us today to get a new Indiana Jones action figure because the whip on the original one broke.  Then, as he put it, he turned into me and bought them a truck for the Indiana Jones truck chase.

3.  He bought mulch for the garden and started mulching the beds that needed it the most.

4.  Because Owen can make him laugh so hard he turns bright red.

5.  Kieran Kane and Kevin Welch make his heart light.

6.  His head is FILLED with more songs and musical knowledge than I can imagine and it spurts out randomly.

7.  He is the absolute rock of our family.

8.  He likes going  to the garden walk.  If anything he gets more excited than I do and given that he does all the hard work in the garden---that's something.

9.  Because when I pull the wheelchair up to the car for my mother she tells me that when Ernie does it it's much easier.  O.K. this irritates me...but just the same....I love how good he is to my mother.  He likes talking politics/current events with her.

10. Because he won't start reading the current newspaper until he's finished the old one.  This makes me crazy but I've never met anyone who can get as much out of a newspaper as my husband.

11. Because I looked at a picture from when Leo was a baby and I realized how much younger Ernie looked.  It never occurs to me that he ages.  Made me realize how damn long we've been together.

12.  He's more or less agnostic but his best friend is a pastor.

and last but not least.....

13. He cuts out all the cereal box offers and sends them in for the boys.

Where do I start?

the weekend....hmmmm.  It seemed long and full and I slept a lot.  That's pretty much it.  I'm not really sick but I don't feel wonderful and I keep coughing up small animals and taking naps.  In between all that I fixed dinner for my Mom and Judi.  I gotta say....this recipe is fantastic and it takes about 5 minutes to make.  I used strip steaks from Stan instead of flank steak.  It's been a hit every time I've made it.

Grilled Asian Flank Steak with Sweet Slaw
Bon Appetit June 2008

1/4 cup soy sauce
5 tablespoons vegetable oil
5 teaspoons minced peeled fresh ginger, divided
1 garlic clove, pressed
1 1 1/2-pound flank steak
3 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons seasoned rice vinegar
2 red jalapeños, thinly sliced into rounds
5 cups thinly sliced Napa cabbage (about 9 ounces)
3/4 cup chopped green onions, divided

Prepare barbecue (medium heat). Mix soy sauce, oil, 3 teaspoons ginger, and garlic in resealable plastic bag. Add flank steak and seal bag; turn to coat. Let stand at room temperature 30 minutes, turning occasionally.

Stir sugar and vinegar in small saucepan over medium heat until sugar dissolves; remove from heat. Add jalapenos and remaining 2 teaspoons ginger. Place cabbage and 1/2 cup green onions in medium bowl.

Pour vinegar mixture over and toss to coat. Season with salt and pepper. Let stand while grilling steak, tossing occasionally.

Grill steak until cooked to desired doneness, about 6 minutes per side for medium-rare. Transfer to work surface. Let rest 10 minutes. Slice steak thinly against grain. Sprinkle 1/4 cup green onions over slaw.

Obviously you could add more to the slaw if you felt like it but it's great as is.

Let's see...what else?  Oh.  Well, I hate to report this but the two months of planning that Leo and Allen put into their cupcake/cookie/lemonade stand didn't seem to pay off.  They were SO excited and had little signs made, even 'back in 5 minutes' signs so they could take a break.  Some of their strategies were a bit off I fear but I tried not to interfere too much.  Unfortunately they only made $4 and closed up after about 2 and a half hours or so.   My heart broke for him.  In addition Leo's latest Lego package (oh, I know, I know...but we have this point system going on and he deserved a reward....  Maybe I am an enabler.) did not arrive on Saturday even though DHL delivered it to the USPS in Urbana on Friday at 10:44 a.m.  Geesh.  I hate it when my baby is heartbroken.

The management team:  Leo and Allen

Here's Dema (one of the employees) with one of their signs:

and the other employee who was in charge of filling orders:

Later we had dinner at Fries and Peanuts with Judi and my mom.  When we go with my mother we sit in the pool area because that's the only place for the wheelchair.  There was a guy playing pool and he glared at us. I smiled and said, "we'll try to stay out of your way."  He just kind of looked at me and said, "well, out of all the places to sit that's probably the worst."  I smiled again and said, "well if you know where I can sit this many people with someone in a wheelchair you just let me know."  "Oh," he said.  He moved to a different pool table, poor thing.

Later in the evening we prepared to watch the first new episode of Ice Road Truckers (the only thing that brought Leo out of his doldrums). Owen attempted to toss the remote control over to the couch and it flew squarely into the side of my head.  A bit of a headache.

We ended up curled up in bed with the laptop listening to Nick Digilio of WGN talk about the Vertebrats.  My esteemed husband even called in....possibly fueled by a tumbler of whiskey....to tell them that they played the wrong song (they were supposed to play Left in the Dark but got it wrong) and ended up on air.  I don't quite recall what he said but of course I thought he sounded great.  We giggled a lot, went to sleep and that was the end of the weekend....

One Reason I Love Berni...oh and Another Reason I Love Ernie

O.K.....I love Berni for many reasons.  It was so great to see Wendy and him at our what shall I call it....Kenny/Paul/Pat party awhile back. (oh and by the way Kenny----I keep meaning to email you but I never manage---I keep thinking I want to tell you how wonderful that evening was and what perfect timing it was that it gave us a little boost before we went into a tough month.....).  Anyway.....one of the particular things I'm liking about Berni right now is that he spends almost as much time as we do on youtube.  One of my new favorite things is to check what his new favorited videos are.  This is the most recent:

A Birthday Evening....

Ernie got lots of birthday greetings----thanks everybody---including a card from Bianca et. al. (Sasha, Dick and Azure).  He was most impressed.  Sasha, is your daughter wearing a Huey's t-shirt?  You townie you.

and then this one....(the boys were most impressed with the Lego)!

I gave Ernie the choice of course for what he wanted to do the evening of his birthday.  He voted for going out for a drink and then getting Chinese food to take home----chicken lo mein is one of his favorite comfort foods.  We had a wonderful evening.  When we got home (oh my god do we love our babysitter Hayley----can't we somehow freeze here at this age so she doesn't leave us?) of course the boys were totally caught up in the Indiana Jones Lego playstation game (o.k. YOU tell me how I could have NOT bought that for them) so Ernie and I hung out in the living room getting giggly with youtube.   A couple of glasses of chardonnay and a few pints it's more fun than ever!

I think Ernie finally relaxed---he was a little wound up yesterday.  He and the guys went and got a new drivers' license (well just Ernie----even though Owen wants one) and then did some shopping at Meijer's.  It drives Ernie CRAZY when people rip the husks off corn on the cob.  My father got him started on this. So yesterday he actually accosted a man doing this in the vegetable department of Meijer's and asked him "why do you do that?"  They talked a few minutes----Ernie swears he was very polite----and after they moved on Owen curiously asked him if he knew that man.  I sort of wish I'd been there but then again I'm glad I wasn't.  Anyway a couple of drinks, some bad David Lee Roth videos and chicken lo mein gave us a nice evening.

Then of course the tornado sirens went off.....  the boys practically levitated shouting "WE HAVE TO GO THE BASEMENT" and began gathering things near and dear to their hearts.  Leo scurried to the basement muttering, "I hope it's an F1  not an F3....that would be bad."  So there we sat in our wet basement (the water had receded to just sloppy wetness) with the boys eyes getting huge with every lightening strike or clap of thunder.  I made the mistake of saying that I hoped my mother was o.k.  Owen got very upset and wailed "how is grandma going to get to the basement?"  I assured him that she would be o.k.----that she'd go to the bathroom in their house because it's in the middle of the house and doesn't have any windows so that led to a long discussion of course.  Listened to Ed Keiser on a crackly radio and Owen slowly fell asleep with his head on a huge stuffed Nipper dog that had been consigned to the basement.  Leo didn't want to go back up but once he started to doze off I convinced him it was o.k.  Going upstairs woke them up a bit but of course they both wanted to sleep with us so Leo made up a little bed on the floor next to our bed.  It was quite nice having everyone so close although I kept worrying about Ernie stepping on Leo's chest if he got up....  We all read books and then turned out the light and watched the lightening...or Leo and I did as Owen was fast asleep.  We watched the street begin to flood again and then drifted off to sleep.

Send Birthday Wishes....

Yes, send birthday wishes to Ernie because that's all the poor man is getting from his loving wife.  I didn't even have the boys make cards (although Leo did write a letter to his teacher since it's the last day of school.  It said, "Dear Mr. Hansen,  You are the best teacher I've ever had.  I'll miss you.  Love, Leo.  Uh...Owen did not make a card).  Somehow, even though I'm feeling a little more normal as the days go on I am still not quite on top of things.  We also have said that we won't do birthday presents/mother's day/father's day/etc. to save all available funds (well hell, unavailable as well) for our anniversary party with Kane Welch Kaplin this fall.  I'd make him a cake except I don't bake well and he doesn't really LIKE cake....  Am I making excuses?  uh-huh....

I did get him a flood for his birthday however.  Yup....here's the field next to our house where the guys play:



You should see our alley and my flooded car that is half way up the block....oh, and yeah, our basement that has things floating in it.  Ernie just walked the guys to school and some streets are blocked off because of water.  I heard it raining in the night but geesh....I thought it was just you know....RAINING....  Guess I'll be a little late for work today.  Ernie will have to drive me since my car is flooded (although this happened the other day and the 'check engine' light went off for the first time in several months.  See?  I can find silver linings).  We should be able to drive behind our garage across part of the field to someone else's driveway.

Ernie's birthday is not all a loss however.  We do have a babysitter coming over this evening AND he got an incredible gift from his brother last night.  I've bragged before about my brothers-in-law.  Dennis is known for wonderful gifts but this year he outdid himself.  It's perfect because it's something JUST for Ernie and that's really what he needs right now.



It's the perfect present----something he wanted but wouldn't get for himself.  He sold his amp many, many moons ago to Berni Proeschl and over the years has said he wanted to get another one but something was always in the way and God knows the man is really bad at doing anything for himself....  Anyway....a flood and an amp for my beloved birthday boy.....

Random Friday Notes from an Open-faced Sandwich

1.  Well, I'm open-faced because my sister Debbie is still here and it means I don't have to worry about my mother.  I'm trying to convince Debbie to move here....it's hopeless but I try anyway.  Yesterday my pitch was that Champaign is laid out on a grid unlike Boston...making it much  easier to get around.  I was making up this pitch in my mind as I drove to work and I tried to think of the name of Utah's largest city----a great example of a city laid out on a grid.  I tried and tried to think of it.....first I came up with St. Louis but thought no....that's in Missouri.  It must have taken me half a mile to come up with Salt Lake City....could this be early dementia?  Please tell me it's just stress....

2.  I'm now torturing myself as to whether I requested the right teacher for Owen next year.  Life has been so overwhelming of late that sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing right by my guys....and let's face it....they're more important than anything else.  Sometimes I just get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. That's my latest stomach pit.  Hmmmm.....I kind of like that term, 'stomach pit.'  Makes it sound kind of like an olive pit.  Maybe if I visualize it like that I can put it in perspective....

3.  I've been trying to figure out why I haven't liked any of my pictures of late.  I finally realized that Typepad's new fancy compose post feature changed my defaults and my pictures are just too damn small....  Is this better?  It's one of my single white peonies with some overgrown lovage next to it.



4.  I get out of work at noon on Fridays as I work long days Monday through Thursday.  Ernie and I have gotten into the habit of going out to lunch together before we go pick up the boys.  It's been such a nice treat but today will be the last time until fall.  Not that I won't like being home with my guys on Friday afternoons but it's so nice to be with just my husband.

5.  Made a pretty good dinner for my sister last night although I wouldn't repeat the menu even though I liked all the elements.  I made Chicken Saltimbocca with a baked penne with asparagus and a salad.  The penne was good but I think too rich for the chicken dish.  The chicken was great though.  I had beautiful tender sage leaves from my garden for it.....very simple dish.  A bit of a pan sauce with lemon juice over it.  Of course we ate too late.  I seem incapable of getting a meal on time.  Oh well....we all have our strengths I guess....



6.  The pink peonies are blooming.  When I was growing up we had a whole row of these alongside one side of our house.  I remembers waiting SO impatiently for them to bloom so I could bring flowers to the teacher.  I was always jealous of the kids that brought tulips and lilacs as we didn't have any and it always felt like it was touch and go as to whether the peonies would bloom before school was over.  They always did but I always worried....

7.  This morning as we attempted to shovel Owen off to school he bellowed "WHY DON'T YOU GUYS HEAR ME?" AND "NOBODY GETS ME."  If he does this at six what do the teenage years hold?

8.  Has anyone else with Typepad had weird statistics of late?  Mine seem to be changing....for days in the past.....hmmmmm.

9.  The fucking hormones make Ernie so tired sometimes.  I need to be more aware of that and try not to let himself (and me) push him to do too much.  I hate seeing him exhausted.

10.  Here are my guys...Kane Welch Kaplin...doing a great version of Something About You.   Suits my mood this morning.  Of course the date we scheduled them to play at our house turns out to be Dad's Day weekend in Champaign....no hotel rooms...  Geesh....nothing goes smoothly.  We'll figure it out though...

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

The weekend crawled by at the same time it flew by.  How is that?  Friday after my wonderful meeting and school we rushed the boys home and into the car and met my sister and my mother for a viewing of the all-important Indiana Jones movie.  Here is Owen on his way in full regalia:


















As he got out of the car he all of a sudden was nervous and said he was afraid people would laugh at him.  His constant bedeviler Leo reassured him that they wouldn't.  Owen just stopped and stared at Leo and said, "why are you being so nice to me if you hate me?  I don't get it."  Leo made some inarticulate growling noise but the damage was done.....he'd been nice to his brother....

Leo found the movie a little 'weird and scary' but Owen positively cackled all the way through it.  Afterwards we back to Mom's house and had an impromptu pizza party with our friends Ann and Bob. Overall a lovely day but I COLLAPSED once I got home.

Saturday morning I couldn't drag myself out of bed so Ernie hit the farmers' market for me (good man).  Brought home strawberries, asparagus and two of the best pork chops I have eaten in my life.  Kudos to Triple S Farms.....Lisa, Mel and others are right-----we really need to start buying more of our meat there.

















So we spent much of the weekend getting the garden put together....buying some plants, planting them, weeding (well Ernie anyway) and pulling out our fountain, etc.  Leo camped out in a tent with some friends Sunday night.  He did fine but I didn't sleep well AT ALL.  I wouldn't let Owen go and he just sobbed and hiccuped, "why do all the big kids get to have all the fun?"  It's hard being the youngest sometimes....

Things are blooming and lush in our yard and Monday felt like summer with the wretched humidity....



































On Memorial Day we went out to the cemetery.  They were having a Memorial Day service complete with soldiers, the guys in capes (what are they called Debbie?) etc.  It pleased me so much because it makes the cemetery an even better spot for Dad.  I had brought ferns, hosta leaves, peonies and honeysuckle branches to lay on the graves of Dad and Ernie's parents.  Of course I had planned to lay it out in a certain way but Owen thought we should circles Grandpa's grave with the ferns "because he was a good man."  Couldn't argue with that so circle he did.  I stood with Leo in front of my beloved mother-in-law's grave and Leo just solemnly said, "Grandma Alice made the best milkshakes in the world."  Quite a legacy.  Whenever we make milkshakes we talk about Grandma Alice.

We went back to my mother's house and we had brought a picnic-y kind of lunch although it was too cool and gray for my mother to sit outside.  Grilled chicken, roasted asparagus, a darn good potato salad and strawberry shortcake for dessert....asparagus and strawberries from the farmers' market.  Then we all thought we'd immediately fall asleep between the big lunch and the temperature my mother keeps her house at.....  I should have just put myself out of my misery and taken a nap but I didn't want to 'waste' the afternoon so I stayed up and was grumpy.  Makes sense, huh?  The evening ended well however with a triumphant neighborhood lemonade stand (I'm still trying to get the concept across that the lemonade mix isn't FREE but we have a ways to go) and a viewing of Owen's new favorite, E.T.  He looked up in amazement at the end and said, "I didn't even cry this time."  I just snuggled with him a lot.  A good evening.  Then I got mad at Ernie because I gave him a plate of food with a fork I had used to take a bite of the LAST of the potato salad that I was giving him and he rejected it for a clean fork. Should have taken a nap.....

Oh.....and as we were sitting at the cemetery

Owen: Do you know who looks like Indiana Jones?
Me:  No, who?
Owen:  Don
Me:  Don Gerard?
Owen:   yup
Me:  Well, I think Don is a little younger than Indiana Jones
Owen (scrunching up his face and thinking):  Is Don in his 50's?
Me:  uh, no Owen.  Don is younger than Mommy and she's still in her 40's
Owen:  well, when Don is in his 60's he'll look just like Indiana Jones

Happy Memorial Day everyone.....

hey all

The incredible comments and emails and calls and food and housecleaning and drinks, etc. have meant SO much to me.  I can't thank you all enough.  ever.

Ernie and I went to the emergency room with my father on Thursday after he fell in the nursing home.  His head was fine but we found that he was in kidney failure.  We knew this was coming but the quickness of it all was a shock.  They told us it was a matter of days.  He went back to the nursing home and was put into hospice care.

In hindsight I am glad we had that warning as otherwise it would have been even more of a shock.  I took my mother over that afternoon.  He wasn't really responsive but he did reach out and hold her hand.  Ernie brought the boys over to say good bye to him. I called the church and a priest visited him for last rites.

We couldn't decide whether or not to go ahead with Ernie's surgery but in the end we did.  So Friday morning I took Ernie to surgery.  My dear friend Gisela sat with me during the surgery and the recovery.  I am so glad she was there.  My parents' homecare worker (who has been wonderful) took my mother over to the nursing home.  My mother told my father she loved him, told him good bye and told him it was o.k. to go.  They left and two hours later my father died.

I got a call when I was in post-op with Ernie. My cell phone cut out and I frantically tried to call back.  I called my mother's number and it was busy.  I finally got through to the nursing home and they told me he had gone.  Gisela held me.

I left and went to my mother's.  Bob came and picked up Ernie and brought him home, picked up the boys and stayed until I got there.

I can't really mourn the man who was in the nursing home.  He would never have found peace or happiness there.  I mourn the father of my past though. 

My sister Debbie will get here this morning.  My sister Judi will probably not make it----she is still too weak.  She's struggling because she wants to be here but she is here in spirit as always.

We weren't well-prepared for this.  Should have been....but we weren't.  Ernie and I will go to the cemetery later today and pick out the plot.  Mom decided to use the cemetery that Ernie's parents are in.  That way Ernie and the boys and I can go out there and have all our parents there.  It's out in the country.  I think my father would like it.

I'm waiting for someone from the church to call back.  Once we get things set with that I'll feel better.  Looks like things will probably be Wednesday or Thursday.

I'm working on his obituary.  I'll post it here when I'm done.

oh, and Ernie is doing well.  He still has some pain of course and I can't wait until I can give him a true hug but he's doing well.  He's up and around and easing off the pain pills----trying to keep the cats and the boys away from his stomach.....  I don't know what I'd do without him at the best of times much less times like these.

Bleh.

Bleh.

Annoying emails.

Bleh.

My father fell out of his wheelchair again and wasn't being responsive so he's in the emergency room. 

They have to get a doctor's orders for restraints.

Bleh.

It's raining nicely and I didn't get me seeds in but I figure it's Ernie's fault since he didn't buy cosmo seeds like he did in my dream. HA.

Bleh.

Owen got his hair cut yesterday and looks more like Berni than ever.  I must get a picture. 

Bleh.

I have to work late tonight.

Bleh.

Tomorrow is Ernie's surgery.

Bleh.

Bleh.

Bleh.