The Sandwich Life

Sure as hell not saving gas this way....

I work on one side of town and live on the other.  Not much driving compared to when I lived in Chicago or growing up in the suburbs but it still can add up.  Today I left work early to go pick up Owen and the present I'm supposed to give to the priest from my sister.  Got home, raced around to find something to put it in, dealt with a recalcitrant six year old and finally got back in the car and drove back across town to my mothers.  Got her and her wheelchair in the car, drove over to the church.  I think Father Joe was incredibly touched by Debbie's gift.  Debbie is a nurse in Boston and the staff on her floor had gone together after Dad died and given her vestments for a priest in Dad's memory.  It was a beautiful and meaningful gift.  The words 'in memory of Joseph Voelkl' are embroidered on the inside of the back.  Owen thought it would be better if those words were on the front but other than that he agreed it was gorgeous-----green with beautiful embroidery.  So then we sat there talking and I wish I had a tape of it all. Owen and Father Joe talked a bit about heaven and then Owen confided that sometimes Grandpa had been "cuckoo in the head" circling his ear with his finger as he explained it.  He told Father Joe about the time Grandpa had been cuckoo in the head and yelled at him and Leo but he reassured Father Joe that he knew that Grandpa still loved him and he loved him back.  Father Joe reassured him that in heaven things like that go away and Owen said wonderingly, "yeah, I think he's getting stronger."

Anyway---so I got Mom and her wheelchair back into her house, met Ernie and Leo and headed back across town.  Leo was sniffling all the way...I have NO idea what was wrong he wouldn't answer my questions.  Finally pulled into the driveway and thought to myself how tired I was only to hear my cel phone ring.  It was Ernie...I had taken the van that had Owen's glove and hat for T-ball.  Grrrrr.  So Leo and I headed back across town AGAIN, gave Ernie the glove and hat and turned back and drove across town.  I think all in all it was three hours driving back and forth.  Sure as hell not saving gas this way....

Random Summertime Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  When we got Owen glasses last year before he started kindergarten we decided to splurge and get two pairs in case one went missing. This was VERY wise as he takes them off to play and was always misplacing a pair or leaving it at someone's house. 

Now....however....he has lost BOTH pair.  geesh.

2.  I think the whole family is bleary this morning.  The boys were up WAY too late but we had the loveliest evening, sitting in the yard and eating dinner with our dear friends Ann and Bob, watching Sophie, the guys and a gaggle of neighborhood kids dive in the pool, chase each other through the field and catch fireflies, listening to music (David Olney and lots of Kane Welch Kaplin), getting bitten by mosquitoes and watching the candles flicker.  I guess it truly is officially summer.

3.  T-ball game tonight for Owen....can't decide whether I want it rained out or not.

4.  Talked to my mother yesterday afternoon and she'd had a very hard day and was in tears. I torture myself sometimes trying to figure out whether we could fit her into our house.  I just don't know if I can make it work on a number of different levels.  One worry subsides and another is there waiting to take its place, huh?

5. Talked to Judi and ordered her to stay away from all things to do with cancer on the internet.  You can drive yourself crazy that way.  I totally understand because I have done it too....

6.  The Vertebrats radio clip from WGN is online....listen to them play the wrong song and hear from Kenny...oh and Ernie after a whiskey or two (to keep him up late)....

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1. Judi took me to Cafe Luna for lunch yesterday.  Wonderful food (although the menu had said 'spicy seared tuna sandwich' and there was no spice to be found at all) but the service was LOUSY.  I tend to be pretty forgiving but it was laughably bad.  I sure hope they get things tightened up because it would be a shame to let that get in the way of very good food.  I noticed in the comments on Champaign Taste that quite a few other people complained about service.  And let's face it, it's not like we have the highest standards around here....

2.  Leo's Lego has STILL not been delivered. Poor Ernie spent hours on the phone with DHL and the post office, etc. Leo's big brown eyes keep getting bigger and sadder. The plan today is to drive Aunt Judi to the airport in Bloomington this morning, then race home to see if it's here and if it's not they plan to stage a sit-in at the post office.  Wish them luck.

3.  Aunt Judi went to t-ball with Ernie and Owen last night.  Owen was so happy.  Here she is wearing his Grand Ole Opry baseball cap.

And here's my giant boy.  He ended up getting a small t-shirt and since he's monster  sized it's awfully small but he insists on wearing it.  His first game is Wednesday so I guess I have to go.  My sweet pea.

4.  It was great to have Judi here even though it went so fast.  She looks great and I loved her hair! I like short hair---not that you can tell by my hair these days.  I tried to convince her that she doesn't look post-chemo---she just looks like she has short hair!  So we went to McDonald's with the guys (good LORD I hate doing that) and the woman at the register immediately asked her if she was just out of chemo.  Geesh.  Of course turns out the woman was seven months out of chemo so she was probably a little more senstive to it.  We laughed.....because you have to....but I still think it looks great.

5.  Well, we've been going back and forth and back and forth about going to Maine this year.  Can you imagine what our gas bills will be like? Two full days of driving each way.  And we're spending more money than we should on Kane Welch Kaplin (not that it won't be worth it) for our party this fall.  By all rights we should cancel Maine.

But.....we didn't.  Ernie just sent the remainder of the rental fee for the house off yesterday. I need Maine.

6.  Are any other local people having a rotten time since Comcast took over from Insight?  Between the annoying new compose window for Typepad and lousy internet connections I feel like I'm stuttering on the computer all the time....

7. And look at this Vertebrats fans....

Random Pictures from the Sandwich Life

Judi with her guys----each of them with their standard response to a camera....

Gimme a blonde with a Rickenbacker anyday....

I took this a few weeks ago but didn't have a chance to put it on with everything going on.  I may love poppy buds more than poppies....

hey all

The incredible comments and emails and calls and food and housecleaning and drinks, etc. have meant SO much to me.  I can't thank you all enough.  ever.

Ernie and I went to the emergency room with my father on Thursday after he fell in the nursing home.  His head was fine but we found that he was in kidney failure.  We knew this was coming but the quickness of it all was a shock.  They told us it was a matter of days.  He went back to the nursing home and was put into hospice care.

In hindsight I am glad we had that warning as otherwise it would have been even more of a shock.  I took my mother over that afternoon.  He wasn't really responsive but he did reach out and hold her hand.  Ernie brought the boys over to say good bye to him. I called the church and a priest visited him for last rites.

We couldn't decide whether or not to go ahead with Ernie's surgery but in the end we did.  So Friday morning I took Ernie to surgery.  My dear friend Gisela sat with me during the surgery and the recovery.  I am so glad she was there.  My parents' homecare worker (who has been wonderful) took my mother over to the nursing home.  My mother told my father she loved him, told him good bye and told him it was o.k. to go.  They left and two hours later my father died.

I got a call when I was in post-op with Ernie. My cell phone cut out and I frantically tried to call back.  I called my mother's number and it was busy.  I finally got through to the nursing home and they told me he had gone.  Gisela held me.

I left and went to my mother's.  Bob came and picked up Ernie and brought him home, picked up the boys and stayed until I got there.

I can't really mourn the man who was in the nursing home.  He would never have found peace or happiness there.  I mourn the father of my past though. 

My sister Debbie will get here this morning.  My sister Judi will probably not make it----she is still too weak.  She's struggling because she wants to be here but she is here in spirit as always.

We weren't well-prepared for this.  Should have been....but we weren't.  Ernie and I will go to the cemetery later today and pick out the plot.  Mom decided to use the cemetery that Ernie's parents are in.  That way Ernie and the boys and I can go out there and have all our parents there.  It's out in the country.  I think my father would like it.

I'm waiting for someone from the church to call back.  Once we get things set with that I'll feel better.  Looks like things will probably be Wednesday or Thursday.

I'm working on his obituary.  I'll post it here when I'm done.

oh, and Ernie is doing well.  He still has some pain of course and I can't wait until I can give him a true hug but he's doing well.  He's up and around and easing off the pain pills----trying to keep the cats and the boys away from his stomach.....  I don't know what I'd do without him at the best of times much less times like these.

Hitting the wall...

I hit a wall today.  I just smashed into it and couldn't go any further.

The trip to South Carolina was great.  It's a long drive and it would have helped not to have a cold but it was great to see Judi.  She looks fantastic and is feeling stronger.  This is her last round of chemo---then we really get to celebrate!  I put together (with the help of the inimitable Gina of course) a little spread of cakes and sweets for everyone in Judi's department that has helped her.  It was great to meet people and put faces together with some of the names I know.

Took off yesterday morning around 6:00 our time and made it home by 5:30.  If it hadn't been for Atlanta traffic I would have made it earlier.  It was a relatively painless drive...nice weather...but by the last hour or two I was tired of every tape I had in the van and every radio station known to man.

I can't begin to tell you how good it was to see my guys.  I missed them more than I ever have in my life.

So this morning I woke up...rather tired but got into work at 8:00.  I was talking to my boss and getting ready for a 9:00 meeting when the phone rang and it was Ernie...crying in pain.

Yup.

I went home and got him into the emergency room.  Since his prostatectomy he has had a slight hernia above his belly button, over the top of his scar.  It's never been horrible...it hurts a bit, he lays down, etc.  He'd talked to his doctor about it and he had said there wasn't really anything to do until it got worse.  Well, it got worse in a hurry today.  It was so horrible seeing him in such incredible pain.  They managed to get it back in and after a seemingly endless hour or two of watching Ernie gasp and shudder from the painful spasms it calmed down. So we have a surgery consult next Tuesday.  Yup.  Just what we need.

Our friend Matt was wonderful and picked up the boys and fed them lunch because oh yes, it was early dismissal day on top of everything else.  Geesh.  He told me that anytime I call him on the phone and ask him to do something while crying...he will do it.  Good man!

So we got home and both just sat in the living room.  Totally exhausted.

I called my mother and told her I just didn't know if I could get her to the hospital today.  She cried. 

You know....I had enough time to go get her...but I just had hit a wall.  I can't even explain it.  I just couldn't handle one more thing.  I left a tearful message on my friend Ann's answering machine and she and her husband came through as they always do for us.  Bob brought my mother over to the hospital.  I feel sort of guilty now but I tell you....I just couldn't handle it today. I just hit a wall.

We have a call in to the admissions person at the nursing home.  My mother is having a hard time.  They said he should be able to be released in a day or two.  They also called and said he was agitated and had given him something to calm him down.  I knew it would be like that.  I knew it.

Being Fragile

As I mentioned a post or two ago, Judi had a basically good but crazy time in Atlanta last week.  Apart from seeing her surgeon (whom she adores), she also saw her meditation instructor Eric (whom she also adores).  One of the things he told her when he saw her was that she looked fragile.  She was really struck by that and mentioned it to me the next day.  When we talked the other night however we talked about it again.  Hearing that really reverberated for her----in a positive way---and it has really stayed with her.  I think I understand---it was a recognition that validated the pain she has gone through, both physically and mentally.

When Ernie was diagnosed with cancer four years ago we experienced, as Judi has, overwhelming kindness.  Everyone was very encouraging and telling us they knew he would get through this, etc. People brought us meals, watched the boys, etc.  About a week after his prostatectomy I went to a small party by myself.  It felt odd to be there but it was a work-related wedding shower and I thought I should go.  I found myself talking to a woman I knew slightly but liked very much and when I told her why Ernie wasn't there she just looked at me and said, "oh that's awful, that is just awful, I am so sorry."  Then she went on to offer any assistance she could, etc. but it was those first words that I treasured. Because you know what?  It WAS awful.  Is it the worst thing in the world that could happen?  No.  Do things like this happen to people all the time? Yes. Would he get through it? Yes. But just the same it WAS awful...and to have that recognized felt so good.  I've never forgotten that.  I tried to tell her how much it had meant to me once after the fact but I don't know if I expressed it well.

So I think I understand why Judi is treasuring the words "you look fragile."  That recognition feels good.

Random Monday Morning Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  Worst. Antique. Show. EVER.  Oh well.  I didn't have high hopes for it but just the same.  geesh.  Now I'm glad we didn't find anything on our buying trips because I bet it would still have been a bad show and we'd be out more money.  Great show...just evidently not for us.  I don't think Ernie even bothered to get a contract for the next one. 

2.  The boys missed their father terribly even though it was only one night and two days.  They have planned a celebration for after school today to celebrate him being back home.  I believe it involves baking cookies so it may be somewhat self-serving but just the same...it's gotta be nice to have a celebration planned for you when you were gone all of roughly 40 hours....

3. Judi's appointment with his surgeon went well although it was exhausting for her.  She had an exhausting week all last week between scans, blood transfusions and going to Atlanta.  Here's is Gina's update:

Thought I would let you know that the appointment in Atlanta with Dr. Kooby was good.  It wasn't without one little "hold your breath episode" however.
 
We started out the day by stopping at the Cancer Center in Anderson for Judi to get another shot--the kind that helps her blood count.  By this time, she was already beginning to feel a little bit better as a result of the two transfusions the day before.
 
Then off to Atlanta we went with lots of time to have lunch at her favorite restaurant near Emory, the "Flying Biscuit".  Our waitress brought our drinks and never came back.  By now we're getting a little edgy because we're down to 50 minutes until her 1:45 appointment.  We called a second waitress over who went to look for the first and was gone so long we thought she, too, had gotten lost.  Turned out the first waitress had to go to the bathroom really bad; the toilet at the Flying Biscuit was blocked, and she had to go across the street.  Waitress #2 took our order and turned it in.  All ended well--they even offered us free dessert--but a tad rushed.
 
We zip over to Emory, check in, and are told Dr. Kooby had been called in to surgery.  No biggie except that Judi has a 3:00 appointment with Eric, her meditation instructor who is in Atlanta for the weekend.  Dr. Kooby showed up a half hour later, so we're still thinking 3:00 is doable.  After these two do their "hugs and how are yous" (this is quite fun to watch by the way!), he gives her a quick check.  We're still on target for 3:00.  Then he says, "There's a little 'bump' here that I don't think is anything, but the right thing to do is check it out."  So 20 minutes later a pair of cytopathologists (say that fast and it comes out sounding like "psychopathologists") whisk us off to another room for an aspiration of the "bump".  There went the 3:00 appointment.
 
Two needles, 30 minutes, and a dozen slides examined under the microscope later, they report that the "bump" is just a fatty deposit resulting from trauma to a cell during surgery.  At this point, we let out the breath we had been holding for the last 50 minutes.  Dr. Kooby comes back in, more cute hugs, and a promise to come back and see him in six months because he likes to keep up with patients on whom he does these major surgeries.
 
OK, by now 3:00 is long past, but we go to where Eric is so Judi can get in line and wait to see him.  This was well worth the wait because Eric is very dear to her.  Somewhere around 6:00 we head back to Clemson.  Thirty minutes later we're on the interstate enjoying Atlanta's typical Friday afternoon traffic and celebrating all of Judi's good news this week.
 
We finally rolled in to Clemson at 9:00, pull into Judi's driveway, and there is not a light on anywhere.  She has no power.  An earlier storm evidently knocked it out.  We report it; by 11:00 she has power back on.  This morning, I go over to drop some groceries.  She has no heat.  Her furnace is gas, so we don't know why this is off.  It's not all that cold so she opts to wait it out until Monday when the repairman is coming to put in a new air conditioning unit.  He also repairs her heater.  And the last straw, the cable TV is knocked out, too.  Not sure if the storm did that or the power company did that when turning her power back on.
 
Life is good.........we're all going to Sardi's Den for ribs tonight..........they have lights, heat and cable TV.
 
Love to all,
Judi and Gina

4.  I finally started reworking my blogroll but of course when I actually sat down to do it I went blank on some of the people I meant to put on.  So if you have a link to me and would like me to do the same just let me know.

5.  By the way....my weekend wasn't all stress and chaos.  I had some nice quiet time playing on my computer (see above) and listening to the boys play with Lego.  I wandered my yard admiring all the green that is popping up.  I watched two cardinals flirt OUTRAGEOUSLY.  I had some interesting dreams---seeing Cheap Trick in a club with Brad Steakley and another one that is too complicated to go into but involved my parents hosting an inaugural reception for the newly elected president (it was Bill Clinton but he had a different wife) and my father wanting to make fried eggs for 150 people for brunch.  I kept saying 'I wish you'd let me know about this sooner.'  I changed the menu to biscuits with mexican slow cooked pork and fruit on the side. Sort of an odd menu but would probably taste good. When I woke up I actually started worrying about which cookbook that recipe is in.  It's a great recipe---I really should post it. Anyway...sometimes I write about all the stress and the negative stuff here but despite all that there are still wonderful moments in my life.

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  Long time, no post little blog and I was so sick this week that I didn't even MISS you.  I am finally feeling better after a relatively dreadful week however. I ate a real dinner last night and woke up feeling somewhat normal this morning.  Woo-hoooooo!

2.  Ernie is off to a show in Iowa.  I don't have high hopes for it but I'm hoping he has a good time.  It's a fun show to do and hell....they serve margaritas during set up....

3.  I am planning a very quiet weekend...well, at least as quiet as a weekend with the guys can be.  Other than convincing them to have their semi-annual bath I'm hoping to ignore them as much as possible and just let them play with Lego and the neighborhood kids (supposed to be 60 degrees today!).  I am going to work on taxes...which I must admit I kind of enjoy in a sick kind of way....and do nothing else today.  Tomorrow of course I'll take Dad to church, etc., etc.

4.  Judi is doing pretty well.  As I said, her scans looked clean, she saw Dr. Kooby in Atlanta yesterday and everything looked fine and she even squeezed in time for a couple of blood transfusions which should help her weakness.  Her friend Annie will be with her this week which will be a nice treat for her and I'll be down there in a couple of weeks. This was a pretty tough week for her even though overall it was good....

5.  Leo received his present from Aunt Debbie and let's just say he was BESIDE himself with joy.  Remember the Lionel milk car he wanted so bad?  Well...

6.  The other night I was laying in bed feeling very sick.  Owen was at the foot of the bed cuddling with Bob the cat.  I must have made a little sound because Owen asked me what was wrong.  I told him I just felt very sick.  He thought about it and then said, "well, that happens to me sometimes and what I do is I go into my mind.  I think about different scenes that make me happy---they can be real or they can be made up.  You should try that Mommy." I did try it and it did help.  My sweet pea is a very special little guy.

7.  The other evening I talked to my mother and she was on me about sending some things to my sisters that my aunt had sent to me to send to them instead of just sending to them and frankly I've got a lot going on and it's just not the top of my list for god's sake, o.k?  I tried to say, "mom, please, I just don't need any more pressure right now" to no avail.  So I snapped and was WAY cross with her and of course ended up with her apologizing all over the place and me in tears.  I got off the phone and just cried because, hell, it seemed the thing to do.  Every so often something just shoots my stress level to the breaking point. I felt bad for upsetting her so I called her back and apologized and said, "I'm so sorry, I'm just not feeling well and I'm really on edge."  Her response? 

I kid you not.....

she said, "what are you on edge about honey?"

Honest.  That's what she said.

I didn't have the ability to say" well, the fact that you and dad should be in a nursing home, that I don't think you eat half the time when Dad can't function to get you a meal, that we're just waiting for other shoe to drop with you both, that my sister had stage four cancer, that my husband has stage 3 cancer that has returned, that my son hates kindergarten and....and....and...."  so I just said, "uh" and she said, "oh, you mean Ernie?  Well of course we're all concerned.  He HAS to be o.k." and I just said, "uh, yeah" and we apologized again to each other and got off the phone. 

I just looked at Ernie and said, "she wants to know why I'm on edge" in a dazed voice. 

We laughed about. God, I love my husband.

8.  I'm going to leave you with this song from one of my all time favorite bands however....Thin White Rope.

Having Aunts That Love You

I got these two little guys who are pretty great....but things have been a bit hard of late and they're worried about their Aunt Judi being sick and now they're worried about their father being sick....and then of course there's their Grandpa whose brain is sometimes upside down (as Owen puts it) and their Grandma who can't walk anymore.  And God knows their mom gets stressed out about it all.....but then they have this other Aunt who also adores them and sends them incredible presents out of the blue and sometimes that makes everything right with the world.

...oh and by the way I SWEAR we'll get them haircuts soon....