Yesterday. I felt off balance all day. When I got up I checked my email and then facebook as I am wont to do each morning while I eat my cheap frozen bagel with peanut butter on it. I started seeing updates and comments about Van being gone and I couldn't even comprehend it. Ernie was talking to me, holding my bagel fresh from the toaster to give me----and I wasn't responding. Finally I looked up and said, "Van" and couldn't keep going. He said, "what about Van?" and I said "he's....he's gone.....he died" and just looked up at him. He dropped the bagel onto the chair and turned the screen toward him and we both just looked at his facebook page in shock. I started sniffing and Owen ran over to check on me. Ernie explained that I was just very sad about a friend. Owen patted my shoulder and kissed me and Ernie walked him to school. I headed off to work but found it hard to focus. I was o.k. until I saw the receipt for the flowers we sent, and the message Ernie had written on the card: we love you Van. Ernie picked me up from work and he had Elvis in the cd player. We drank a toast to him and lunch and then just drove around for a bit listening to Elvis.
I came to town a few years after Van did....and I used to see him at all the shows at Mabel’s….and at the afterparties as well. Then my friend Eileen moved into an apartment on Logan Street. There were four apartments on the second floor of this odd little building. The other apartments were occupied by Tim McKeage, Lane and Van Cagle. We’d nod and say hello but one night as Ernie, Eileen and I trooped up the stairs, no doubt with a case of Old Milwaukee Light from the liquor store down the street (I know it was like drinking pop but good lord it was cheap) we heard Wanda Jackson echoing down the hallway from Van’s apartment. We stood there mesmerized and then knocked on his door and marched right in. He gave us one of those bemused looks of his and then shared some of the beer he had sitting on his kitchen counter and showed us the Rockin With Wanda album cover. After that I never felt that we were just people in the same scene....but friends.
Two years Ernie and I left town as I headed to grad school and after that we settled in Chicago. I guess we’d heard through the grapevine that Van was teaching in New Orleans but I must admit it didn’t cross our minds when we planned a honeymoon there. And yet….as we crossed a street heading toward the French Quarter Ernie said, “that guy looks like Van.” The three of us passed each other with our heads turned staring back in amazement before Van turned and followed back to the sidewalk. We ended up spending an hour or two sitting in a bar in the French Quarter talking and laughing.
In 2006 I started this blog, feeling a bit lost and disconnected. Just a few months later was the Vertebrats reunion. Ernie and I got there early and were tucked at a table just inside the door. We sat there watching people come in-----so many of them familiar, trying to remember faces and names. We saw Van come in and he stood there next to our table for a minute letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. We just sat there staring at him and grinning. Soon enough he turned and saw us and we all laughed and hugged each other. At the end of the evening I made sure someone took a picture of us because I was so happy to see him.
After that we corresponded by email a lot. Van was a great late night emailer and he would sometimes stop by the blog as well----or email me to respond to a post. We often talked about the way in which seeing that whole crowd at the Brats reunion shook us up. In fact he wrote this:
I don't mind saying that I have been a little teary-eyed for a week. I have tried to cheer myself up by doing constructive things and even by going to places that I like here in NYC. But I can’t shake the reunion yet. It has affected me on a much deeper emotional level than the first two. One of the reasons that I have felt as I do is because since leaving CU, I have never had such a large and interesting group of friends as I did during the time when the VBs existed. In essence, I had at least 25 close friends, which is truly incredible, and I knew by face and name about 150 people. That’s truly astounding. In addition, I have felt very melancholy all week, because I really don’t think that I will ever experience again what I experienced in CU. The older we get, the harder it is to make friends. Being in CU again made me realize what a special time and place it was for all of us during the late 70s-early 80s. In meeting tons of incredible people during this period, I learned more about films, art, literature, theater, and popular music from friends than I ever learned from college courses I took, because there was this special moment when really intelligent people were at the same place at the same time.
And after the 2009 reunion he had similar thoughts:
Great blog about the reunion. I have to admit that like some you mention, I too shed tears. I spent most of the afternoon at Sasha and Dick's house, then Becky Youngman and I spent two hours talking over an early supper. When I got on Amtrak (an hour late, as usual), it was so quiet and desolate. I walked the aisles once, hoping for a familiar face from the reunion, but found none. I sat in the snack car and thought about the weekend and also found myself tearing up. I rarely cry, but do tear up at times. Since leaving CU in the 1980s I have never been able to find a group of friends who were as interesting, creative, and smart as my CU friends, and I have never been able to relocate that same sense of camaraderie that we all had. Thanks to everyone for the great reunion and thanks to Cynthia for all the great videos and pics.
Another time, on the anniversary of Elvis’ death I mentioned that I was thinking of him and he responded with this:
Cynthia---I appreciate your thinking of Elvis and me. As always I really enjoyed reading your post. The day of Elvis’s death is one that I vividly recall as well, because I was busy preparing for a major move that would ultimately change my life forever. The next day, I arrived in Champaign, IL, where I lived for 10 years. When I was growing up in Elvis’s hometown of Tupelo, Mississippi, among people my age, it was very uncool to like Elvis. Like Kenny, I was a part of the “Beatles generation” and the first bands that impacted me were those that fell under the rubric of the “British Invasion.” In fact, I did not become an Elvis fan until way, way after the fact, so to speak. Oddly and ironically enough, my Elvis fandom literally grew out of my identification with punk. On January 8, 1978 (also the date of Elvis’s birth) the Sex Pistols performed in Memphis. At the last minute, I was able to acquire tickets. As I walked toward the dilapidated concert hall, where the Pistols were to perform, I noticed two lines of people. One led to the entrance of the concert hall, and this line consisted of “punked out” adolescents and young adults. The other line led into a convention center that was hosting a 3-day Elvis memorabilia show. This particular line consisted of thousands of international Elvis fans. What an incredible sight---those two lines---almost physically touching one another, yet in many ways, so psychically divergent. On the following day (after recovering from the Sex Pistols show---a story unto itself), I decided to attend the Elvis memorabilia show. While there my conception of Elvis fans changed dramatically. Like many, I had based my overall image of fans on derisive media reports and exploitative newspaper photographs. However, at the convention, I met many fans that were in my age range; in particular there were roughly 400 working class British fans that seemed to fall between the ages of 18-29. The most interesting thing about these fans was the fact that they drew heavily on Memphis rockabilly style; in particular the fans dressed in an extremely flamboyant manner (the gold lame suits were especially bombastic). In addition, they viewed Elvis as a gateway to understanding the oppressive working class "caste system" in Britain----the system that caused these fans to feel "trapped" and without a lot of hope. Because of Elvis's upbringing, and his disavowal of the typical ways in which stars spend money, British fans also found that he provided a “blueprint” for survival. These fans intrigued me so much that after that day I began to slowly investigate Presley’s music. As time went on I purchased Presley’s records; I became friends with numerous US and British fans; I continued to attend yearly conventions and conferences in Memphis; I became a bona fide fan. Bob Dylan once claimed of Elvis, “Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail.” Keith Richard explains: "Before Elvis, everything was in black and white. Then came Elvis. Zoom, glorious Technicolor.” I couldn’t agree with them more. Thanks again, Cynthia.
Oh Van. Thank you. Thank you with love.
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