Oh for the love of God.....Owen and I are home sick today. If this fucks with Milktoast and the Vertebrats this weekend I'll...I'll.....I'll....uh need more antidepressants I guess. I assume we'll be o.k....I'm feeling better than I was this morning and Owen is pretty perky....so as long as Owen is o.k. on Friday we're good to go....I'd drag myself there no matter what.....
I don't think I was the best mother when I realized Owen was getting sick. For a couple of days he's been complaining about food not tasting right so I should have known. I just said, "OH, you HAVE to be o.k. for Friday night with Daddy and Adam Schmitt." He looked pathetic (which he is good at I might note) and said, "well, what will happen if I'm sick?" I thought about it and said, "well.....SOMEbody will stay with you." How's that for motherly tenderness? HA! Then he asked what would happen if he was REALLY sick and I started feeling guilty so I said that of course I would stay with him if he were REALLY sick....
He would have to be AWFULLY sick though.....sweet pea or no.....
1. I must have been frazzled this weekend as I totally forgot it was the one year anniversary of our party with Kane Welch Kaplin. I guess tonight Ernie and I will have to curl up, drink a toast to them, drink a toast to us, and then watch some of the video clips from it....
2. The boys made birthday cards for my mother yesterday and brought them over. I saw them when I stopped by after work and they are hysterical. Leo's is very neat and and very simple....although there are a few little dots that I think are decoration. It says 'Happy Birthday Grandma' and 'I hope you have a good day.' Owen's is in brilliant red and rather chaotic looking. It has a picture of her in her wheelchair accompanied by several people and a birthday cake. It says 'Happy Birthday to Polly' and then it says, 'clap, clap, clap, clap.' They totally cracked me up..... My mother and I had a nice time chatting and having part of a nice bottle of wine that Ernie had brought over. I told her my stories about talking about sex and God and the like with the boys and we giggled a lot.
3. Ernie had his chemo infusion today. Relatively painless. I read a GREAT issue of Fine Gardening (August 2009) and he did a crossword puzzle---and we chatted to someone we knew that was there as well. Social life in the Cancer Center.....huh....
4. Ernie has noted that while normally I am a pretty patient driver-----I figure if someone cuts in front of me then it must mean a whole lot more to them than it does me-----but I am just the opposite in parking garages. I grumble, I swear, I throw my hands it the air..... Why is that?
5. Then I started thinking about all the hospital parking garages I've had experience with.....I could remember them all pretty vividly.....Edwards Hospital and Central DuPage for my parents, Jewish Hospital in St. Louis and Provena for Ernie's parents, Emory in Atlanta and AnMed in South Carolina for Judi and of course Carle for my parents, my sister and my husband.........SOOOOOO many parking garages....
6. I don't think I ever posted this picture Owen took of his Indiana Jones Lego.....he was rather taken with it....as I was.....
7. And a few other recent pictures....
I planted some lemon verbena next the front walk to the alley so I can pull a leaf in the morning to smell as I walk to the car....
8. David Olney tonight....at Ustream at 6:00 CST. He's saying he's going to 'up his game.' Hmmmmm. It's so nice to have something to look forward to.....
I forgot to say that in between the chaos of getting rid of our van, my children melting down, my mother....well whatevering.....I also had discussions about sex and whether God exists with my children over the weekend.
Thanks for ALL your help Ernie.....
Oh, and when we were in the car Owen starting laughing and said, "Dad, remember when you called us a couple of dicks?" Ernie turned a bit pink. Heh. Then somehow the conversation segued into the fact that Dick is a nickname for Richard. "NO IT'S NOT" they yelled in protest. I don't think I ever managed to convince them.....they thought that was HYSTERICAL....
2. Sunday morning I called my mother to see what time I should take her shopping. She wasn't doing well....throwing up and couldn't figure out what to eat after her insulin. I threw on dirty clothes and ran over. I got her settled and cheered her up a bit. I kind of figured shopping was out but then she asked when we should go. Uh...o.k. So off we went, me with dirty clothes and shirt that was way too heavy for the warm day (something that matters when you're hauling a wheelchair in and out of the car). I don't think I was terribly patient. I was hot, my knee hurt and I felt mildly crabby. I'm not going to revisit the end of the shopping trip which at one point had me yelling, "Does it LOOK like she has a drivers' license?" to a counter full of clerks and managers. Sigh. Ernie keeps laughing over that line but I'm not there yet.... Then I wheeled her back to the car and my dress got caught in the wheel of her wheelchair. Maybe another time it would have been funny. It wasn't. I finally just ripped it free because the only other option was stripping in the parking of lot of Kohl's. O.k.....maybe it was a little funny....
3. On a brighter note it is my mother's 80th birthday today. I love you Mom. Here she is on a trip to Rochester in 1970.
and another picture from when I was a baby.....
Happy Birthday Mom!!
4. Owen has asked for a new Adam Schmitt shirt to wear on Friday night as he has outgrown his old ones. gotta get cracking.....should have done that this weekend. He also commented to me that he thinks he'd like to dress up as Adam Schmitt for Halloween. I just said "mmm-hmmmm" because while I don't want to discourage him I fear it might be a rather SUBTLE costume for the general trick and treating public....
5. Ernie was talking to Leo about Friday night (we're trying to prepare him for lots of people which he's not so crazy about) and they were giggling. Ernie said, "well hopefully I won't embarrass you" to which Leo replied, "well, if this gets back to school Dad, you're going to owe me."
That is STILL making me laugh....
6. Some nice skies this weekend.
7. Oh, saw a nurse practitioner about my knee. She wants me to have physical therapy for a month and see how that goes. So much for magic solutions. Well, actually I'm too old to think there are magical solutions. On a bright note however....although when I took my mother clothes shopping my knee really bothered me I forgot ALL about it when I started yelling at people!
8. Tomorrow's infusion day at the Cancer Center then Wednesday night we're celebrating Leo's and Mom's birthdays then Thursday is Leo's birthday party then Friday is MILKTOAST then Saturday is more VERTEBRATS and then I guess on Sunday I will collapse.....looking forward to it all though!!
Wow. I just had no idea the boys would be THIS upset about getting rid of a van that we haven't driven in several years. We got that van second hand after our full size van that we used for antique shows died an untimely death. We got it shortly before Leo was born and our friends made fun of us because we suddenly had a minivan with fake wood sides. It had never occurred to us to equate it with settling down with a family we thought of it solely for antique shows. Of course that being said it was handy with the guys. Then Ernie's mother died and we ended up with her much nicer/newer white van.....then my father died and we took his Ford Contour.....then Judi died and we ended up with her Honda. I know, I know.....other people BUY cars.....we just inherit them.
Now I must admit I was a tiny bit emotional selling Dad's old car. I wasn't really all that fond of it but it had meant SO much to him and it was so painful for him to give it up that----just like for him----it meant more to me than mere transportation. We were happy to sell it to my brother in law though so it felt like it was staying in the family. We periodically came up with plans to fix this van up and sell it but we've just been overwhelmed with things and we decided to just donate it and get it OUT OF HERE.
For me that was a good thing----something off our plate, one more thing not to worry about. Given that the boys hadn't ridden in it for some years....I just never imagined that they would be devastated. And I thought perhaps most of the tears had been shed last night. Nope. The towing company had said they be here before noon so around 8:00 the boys and I headed out to clear it out....pull out the jumper cables, the boxes of cassette tapes (!) and the various detritus that two toddlers leave.... At one point I asked Owen to go in the house and get a bag to put things in....he quavered tearfully, "Mom, I'd like to spend as much time as I can with the van...." so I did it myself. Next thing you know the tow truck showed up. It took awhile and some ability to get it out of our abbreviated drive and down the alley to the street. As they pulled it out both boys stood on the patio, Leo on the back steps and Owen on top of a table, tears streaming down their cheeks. At the last minute I had told them to take the rear view mirror that was laying in the driver's seat. Owen clutched it to himself for most of the morning.
Leo was a bit more contained but he spent his share of time in my arms sobbing. Owen....well, oh my god.....
My babies hate change. They're MY boys alright....
Later that morning their misery turned them into pissy little creatures so I finally yelled "GET DRESSED WE'RE GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE." Owen protested that he would be too sad to get in the other van but they'd pushed me past sympathy so I said, "GET IN THE VAN" and so they did. I started driving and they asked where we were going. I confessed I had no idea so we drove a bit in silence before Owen suggested that West Side Park might make us all happier. As always, he was right.
My sweet peas.
RIP Dodge Minivan.....I have two boys who say you will live in their hearts forever....
JESUS H. CHRIST as my father would say in moments of exasperation.....and MAN do I UNDERSTAND. I've got two of them in tears. TWO of them. Leo is distraught because the Playstation 3 controllers aren't working and while I'm sympathetic it doesn't meant that THERE IS NOTHING TO DO as he claims and that the only possibility is to dissolve in tears. Owen....well...I'm an idiot. He's already had lengthy sessions of tears because we're getting rid of the van that has been sitting in our driveway UNUSED for about four years. They are coming to pick it up tomorrow and I sent Owen out with some keys to make sure that they were the ones for it.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.
He came back sobbing....and heartbroken that the van is leaving because, as he says, "he has lots of memories" with it. He cried and cried and cried. I finally asked him if it made him think of Aunt Judi and then the floodgates really opened. I held him and talked to him and finally convinced him to try to eat his dinner which was sitting there getting cold. He agreed but said he wanted to be alone.
And here I was thinking I would have a nice evening when Ernie was in Chicago practicing....oops-----REHEARSING----with Pat and David.....
I assume I'll gain control again at some point.....
I mentioned watching a movie to both the guys but they were both too bathed in their own personal misery to be interested.
Yesterday my boss kindly let me go home a little early as my knee/ankle stuff was getting unpleasant. I thought how nice it would be to get home early and just put my foot up and have people wait on me. HA. I walked into chaos, normal everyday kind of chaos but chaos just the same. I tried to help solve the puzzle of partial difference subtraction (what's wrong with the way WE did it?) to no avail....luckily Ricky came over and saved the day. More lunchtime traumas for Owen. I rsvp'd for an event that evening saying I couldn't come because of my knee/leg thing only to be kindly told that it wasn't last night---it's next week. Geesh. Lifeline called and said my mother had gotten stuck in a chair today and they had called her homecare worker for her. I called my mother and she gave me a list of symptoms that have her worrying that she has cancer. I kid you not. Then I tried to order the skirt online that I wanted to wear next weekend and it was out of stock. Then Owen was rude to a friend and got a lecture then I made dinner for Leo as he was STARVING and when it was done he said, "mmmm....I don't want it I have to go play" but I didn't yell at him because he was all excited about a rousing game of neighborhood freeze tag and I like it when he does that so I left the food on the stove and went outside to listen to Fats Kaplin and Kristi Rose on Radio Free Nashville. I tried to order a cd from a site I have successfully ordered from before and but got stuck going around in circles and almost cried.
I really should have just stayed at work.....
I did discover that the song that caught our ears on Pulp Radio was Dustin Welch though---son of our beloved Kevin Welch----who'd a thunk it? Click through to Dustin's Myspace page and play Don't Tell Em Nothin....tell me if you understand why it caught our ears..... Here's a very different version below.....
It's fall. It arrived at 4:18 p.m. yesterday. Ernie called me at work to alert me. Damn I like that boy.
Speaking of boys.....the other day I sent Owen off to school with a lunchbox of peanut butter, celery sticks and his favorite pita bread. He likes to dip his celery in the peanut butter and he can INHALE pita bread. The next morning when it was time to make lunch we found his lunch untouched in his bag. Upon questioning it appears that he couldn't eat it because some of his 'friends' made fun of it. We asked what they ate.....applesauce, Kit-Kats and candy we were told.
Sigh.
We talked.....and then we told him we'd give him peanut butter and jelly that day. He begged for the crusts to be left on. Huh? I usually cut the crusts off (something I didn't think I'd ever do) because otherwise only one bite from the middle gets eaten. I guess somebody must have made fun of his crustless sandwiches.
Sigh.
It's strange going from one boy whose response to peer pressure is a steely stare and I DON'T CARE....to another who would go hungry because someone thought pita bread was weird. Geesh.
In other boy news..... We go over the plans for Leo's birthday party about ten times a day. Ernie and I aren't sure we can handle a Leo who is happy all the time. It's somewhat exhausting strangely enough. Wonderful but exhausting.
Damn but I love those sweet peas.....pita bread or parties or whatever.....I'm so damn lucky.
1. We received this picture of Leo recently. It was taken onstage at Krannert Center when he received his Outstanding Student award. Could it look anymore like a mug shot? It really cracked us up----if only they'd taken a sideways shot as well!!!!
2. Leo was being kind of iffy about having a birthday party but Owen saved the day by coming up with a party activity suggestion that Leo was thrilled with. Kudos to my Baby Owen! Then Leo was off and running.....he wrote all the plans and lists down in a little notebook. He kept saying, "I'm glad Owen gave me this notebook...otherwise we wouldn't be able to plan like this." Good lord but I love that boy. He was quivering with excitement. I obediently ordered things online as directed. Then he went downstairs and starting bringing his Lionel trains upstairs as he said, "it might be nice for the kids to be able to try running them." A happy Leo is a wondrous thing.....
3. Unfortunately this little birthday event means I won't get to see the Vertebrats playing at Amara Yoga & Arts that evening. Technically the party will be over by then but it seems sort of rude to say 'nice party kid but I gotta run....' Oh well....the next two nights of the Brats should give me a good fix....
4. Ernie got new shoes.....and took a picture of them.
5. Is it really healthy or really pathetic that the first thing I thought of this morning wasn't about my worries about my elderly mother, my kids or my husband or cancer....it instead was IT'S DAVID OLNEY DAY....WOO-HOOOOOO!!!!? I don't know but either way I'm happy that at 6:00 CST Ernie and I will be ensconced with the laptop watching whatever has popped up in the strange but fascinating mind of Mr. Olney. God help any child that gets in the way.....
5. I think my favorite flowers in the garden this year are the ones that reseeded and just showed up because they thought they should..... Thank you spider flowers.
A successful Milktoast rehearsal yesterday (who knew that drumsticks and a cardboard box could resonate throughout the neighborhood?). Throughout the day, and in fact for the last two days, Ernie has been entranced with a 1929 Ford Tri-Motor plane that is in town and offering rides out of Frasca Field. Every time he hears it he runs to a window or yells to our neighbor-----and just stands there looking up-----just starstruck by it. It's funny.....I don't know if it's the little boy growing up on an air force base coming out of him....or just the romance of the early plane but whatever it is it just hooked him in. He even said he wasn't quite sure why he was so fascinated by it. Of course the boys were excited about it too-----Owen came racing in to tell me the shadow of the plane went RIGHT over him and by the end of yesterday we were referring to it as 'Daddy's plane.'
So today we decided to drive out to see it and I told Ernie I wanted to him to go up on it. Given our meager budget it was WAY too expensive but I really wanted him to do it. He demurred of course....said he just wanted to see it. The boys started sticking up for him and telling me that Daddy didn't have to do it if he didn't want to. I explained to them that Daddy really DID want to do it he just isn't good at doing things for himself. The boys get Lego, I get plants and whatever else I'm dying for but Daddy never does anything for himself. "Ohhhhhh," they said. Eventually Ernie agreed....then Owen wanted to go. Leo was adamant that he didn't want to so I said he and I would stay and watch and the two blondes would go up.
I'm so happy..... because THEY were so happy....and Leo and I had a delightful time watching them take off and wandering around looking at other planes......and you know how I said I rock because I guessed pineapple sage at the farmer's market? Well today I think I rock because I made my boys happy and NOTHING is more important than that.... So could we afford it? No....but what the hell.....we made some memories.....
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