I couldn't sleep Sunday night at all. Perhaps leftover house concert adrenalin. I'm not sure what it was, but I was ridiculously tired yesterday. I was cross and tired making dinner until Ernie finally kindly took over. Then he burned the pork tenderloin and his swearing echoed through the house. I always know it's getting bad when he pulls out 'cocksucker.' Sigh. It all turned out fine and dinner was good. I went up to bed early and tried to read a novel rather than getting stuck on looking at the news and Facebook. My mind kept going to our friend Peggy who just lost her husband unexpectedly. I feel heartbroken for her. I couldn't focus on my book so eventually I turned out the light, screeched at Owen to keep the noise down, and put some music on.
Bap Kennedy.
I am so saddened to hear of Bap Kennedy's cancer diagnosis and the sorry turn that his surgery took. From his blog:
The operation has left a pretty big scar. Once they opened me up the surgeons found that they could do nothing to remove the cancer, and they discovered some more. Very bad news for me, and really the worst case scenario.
So what now? ....
I want to use my time to fix the things I can and put as much love as I can into the world before the boatman rows me across the big river. I'm not afraid. We all have to face this one day. I want to continue my cosmic adventures. I want to see my beloved grandmother Brigid again.
(Elvis will just have to wait)
There's so much trouble in the world, yet all I've had directed at me lately has been love and kindness. I've never felt so loved and appreciated. I think my heart is going to burst. Old friends have come to see me in hospital and we all want to make music together again.
People from everywhere have been telling me how much my music means to them. I didn't know. I didn't know how many people have been touched by my songs.
It's breaking my heart to find out now when I have so little time to do anything about it - but I am also very happy to feel the achievement. It's what I always wanted. Not money. Not fame. I always wanted people to feel what I feel. The magic of music.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks to everyone who has appreciated & supported my music over the years.
Love never fails,
Bap x
I've been thinking of him and his wife Brenda, and following along, since he was first admitted to the hospital. I worried, because it sounded so much like what happened to my sister Judi. And sadly, I was right. I've always loved Bap Kennedy. We played his records for Judi and she loved him too. I remember her, years ago, trying to download an album of his. It was back in the early days of such things and she called me, hysterically laughing, because something to do with the pounds to dollars conversion had gotten screwed up. I remember laughing and laughing on the phone with her. And Bap Kennedy had always been on my secret list of people I desperately wanted to play a house concert for us---even though I knew it would never happen. It was a little fantasy of mine...picturing him in my living room singing Mostly Water to a crowd of friends.
I thought of Judi too, as I read his words saying that he'd never realized his music meant so much to people. One of the only silver linings in Judi's cancer and illness, like Bap's, was that it gave people an opportunity to tell her how much they loved her, how she had affected their lives. I don't think she had any idea. So once more I remind myself not to let my kids' teasing me about how much I tell people that I love them bother me. That I need to continue to tell people that I love them and they are important to me, that their friendship means so much to me, or their music helps me through life. Every time I do it's partly in tribute to my sister because she, and Bap, are not unique in not realizing how many they touched.
So last night, I laid there thinking about how much I hate cancer, but also thinking of how much I loved this music. I listened to Bap sing and thought about how much his music touches me. I know it will continue to touch me after he is gone. I am grateful, saddened, but grateful.
Our love to you and yours Bap.