The Sandwich Life

An early Saturday.

Yesterday felt like Friday so today feels like Saturday. I'm getting some work done nonetheless. No real news to report and that seems to be a good thing. Ernie is doing ok with the Xtandi thus far. Fatigue of course, and a bit of nausea, but pretty good...and his hair is fuzzing up and coming back a bit. 

Ameren had said they'd probably take the tree down in September but yesterday they brought a cherry picker kind of thing up to it and stood around in the rain looking at it. No activity today.

Too lazy to even put a chicken on the grill last night so we just stuffed it with lemons and threw it in a 475 degree oven upside down. Pretty damn good along with some quinoa and kale and the lemony chicken juices.

And yes, ALL the cats want to hang out with Ernie.

But only one is truly his baby.

Onward.

 

A Possible Tree Salvation, Calamari, and David Olney (I see you Oxford comma)

A shot of good news. Remember the dead tree that's on the property line between us and the brick house to the east? The one the city says we have to cut down (understandably) and that is going to cost thousands of dollars? I mean, yes, we get to split the cost but still way out of our budget? We had talked to the neighbor and he was getting an estimate. However....yesterday somebody from Ameren knocked on our door and said they needed to remove the tree because it's close to the wires.

Ernie said, "Oh, really? What would that cost?" 

"FREE," said the man.

I know. Go ahead, blink away tears. They probably won't be able to do it until September which is after the city's due date but they are contacting the city about it. Ernie and the neighbor both signed permission slips. They will leave all the wood there so we'll have to pay to have it removed but, oh man, that's FINE.

Crossed fingers it all works but that is a HUGE relief. I'm trying to think of some adjective better than huge but nothing seems else seems adequate.

Ernie came upstairs to my office to tell me, so Bob accompanied him. Of course.

We made calamari for dinner last night. It was the first time I've cooked it and I really wanted it to work because it's damn cheap for seafood, but I can't say it was a resounding success. I thought I was cooking it very quickly but it still ended up a tad rubbery. Well, to be honest, more than a tad. We had it with salad greens, crisped quinoa, and a lemony herb vinaigrette. Eh. Any suggestions? 

Our friend Pat sent Ernie this page from a Chicago paper. I don't know...Reader? Illinois Entertainer? Regardless....look down at the bottom of the Tut's ad. At the time I would have gone to the Our Daughter's Wedding show, or the Bohemia shows, or Combo Audio...all of whom I saw here in Champaign (well, we saw Bohemia all over) but right there in the mix is my beloved David Olney with the X-Rays. Of course, we were living in Champaign then, before Michigan and Chicago, and I knew nothing about David at that point but it made me so happy to see this little bit of overlap in our histories if that makes any sense. My guy.

I'm guessing '81 or '82?

Off to a Zoom meeting.

Onward.

 

 

 

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

I reread my post from yesterday and I sounded giddy. QUAIL! XTANDI! HAM AND MAYO! The thing is, I felt giddy yesterday. I just dreaded going to that oncologist appointment and I don't really know why. We already knew the results of his MRI, it wasn't one of those times when we going in to hear results that might be bad, but for whatever reason, I just ABSOLUTELY did not want to go. I tossed and turned the night before, laying on my left side, laying on my right side, fluffing pillows, right side, left side....until sometime close to morning I ended up flat on my back with one arm above my head. If you are old like me you might remember Brian Boitano's signature jump with his arm over his head. That was me...except that I was lying down and motionless.

That amused me even when I was lying there half asleep thinking about it. Eventually, I fell asleep only to have a full-fledged nightmare like I haven't had in years, complete with blood and mayhem and killing. It began with Michael Pollock, Phil Strang and I  in Record Service worrying how to feed people that had no food and morphed into a combination restaurant and antique shop in New York run by Mario Batali that had shooting daggers in the front door. Then it got worse. I was a bleary mess when Ernie got me up.

For some reason though, we did feel a bit giddy after our appointment. We even opened a bottle of Champagne  (thank you Ceal) midday as we waited for a storm midday in the front yard. I ended up being covered with mosquito bites so I scurried back inside and watched my welts grow. I will spare the photo documentation I couldn't resist doing but DAMN my body doesn't like mosquito bites. Sometimes I get bites just like everyone does but sometimes my body just says NO!

Later I forced myself to cook dinner even though I didn't feel like it and damned if it wasn't good. Next time Aldi's has lamb loin chops I'm going to stock up. Four minutes a side in a medium-hot skillet...salt, pepper and olive oil. Oh, and a squeeze of lemon. Absolutely great. I had mine with salad and avocado...Ernie had his with a mountain of potato salad. If I'd had more energy I would have done one of my herb vinaigrettes but it was great as is (as was?).

Hattie has been hanging out with Ernie a lot lately. I'm a tad offended but what can you do. Evidently she got a little close for Bob, so instead of lying by Ernie's side as he usually does, he had to claim his territory a little more forcefully. Note the paw on Ernie's hand. That's a statement, folks.

And lastly, in going through paperwork the other day (as a friend said the other day...cancer can be a full-time job) I came across the total for all of Ernie's health insurance claims processed for 2020 through June 30.

$295,785. 71. For six months.

Yeah. But who cares if not everyone has health insurance.

Onward.

Xtandi begins and quail and a ham sandwich

It's 10:31 and we're already back from the Cancer Center because...no chemo today! Instead, he starts his oral chemo, which is more accurately cancer therapy than chemotherapy according to his oncologist. This should be easier on his feet in terms of neuropathy (although it could take six months) AND his hair has already starting fuzzing up on his scalp. The doctor said most patients tolerate this treatment really well-so....crossed fingers. Good thoughts and prayers welcome, as always.

I didn't get all I wanted to get done yesterday but I got enough done to feel somewhat productive, including deleting 4,000 photos and upgrading to Catalina. I am such a sucker for upgrades. So far, so good. 

I finally cooked our quail and OMG....we LOVED it! We shared it with Owen and Trinity but I don't think they were as excited as we were. We salted it an hour or two ahead and then just seared them kinda flat in a skillet. We drizzled the last dab of my herb vinaigrette on top. I think I overdid it a tiny amount but, just the same we loved it. This is not an attractive plating but what the hell....

They're not cheap so I wouldn't get them often but we thought they were really quite wonderful. Because we just had one each we were still pretty hungry so later I made myself a little ham sandwich on a gluten free roll. Sometimes simplicity really is perfect. I could have tarted up the mayo with some lemon juice or herbs but damned if it wasn't perfect just as is. Didn't even have to season anything because the ham was salty. It was utterly lucious.

Today? I owe Ernie some potato salad.

Onward.

The Week

I think our day of quiet did us good. We literally did nothing. We watched a ridiculous number of episodes of  My Kitchen Rules, watered the window boxes, tried to rescue the hose from a volunteer pumpkin plant that is taking over the yard (three pumpkins so far), cooked dinner and watched a little more tv (Wanted on Netflix, and as always when we get sleepy, a Frasier).

We finally used our salmon that we got on my birthday. We've been so off the last few days that we hadn't even cooked it, or our quail. We've just shrugged our shoulders when one of us said, "Do you want dinner?" and foraged instead. It was time to cook.

We kept it simple, just seared the salmon in a pan along with some zucchini and made a herb sauce of basil, tarragon and oregano from the yard, with just olive oil, a bit of lemon juice and salt and pepper. See? I didn't use the Oxford comma in that last sentence even though it's making me twitch a bit. To be honest, I undercooked the salmon a bit but it was still delicious and although the crispy skin came off when I turned it, it sat on the side of my plate like a little potato chip just waiting to be crunched. Delightful dinner.

It was a long week, bookended with coming home from Beaver Island on Monday to the City telling us we have 30 days to get rid of the dead tree in front of our house on Friday. At least this time they have agreed that it's on the property line and the responsibility of our neighbor as well. Of course, that also complicates that we have to work with a neighbor that, well...we shall see. Owen's seen a bit of improvement but is still not feeling great. Oh, and a notice about a credit card I forgot about. Of course in the middle of it all were Ernie's symptoms and the rushed MRI. All in all, despite the good news about Ernie's MRI, a hell of a lot of stress....not our best week, birthday or no birthday. That's why when I got up yesterday, despite my plans to catch up on work and clean, etc....I just said to Ernie, who looked a bit tired...."Let's just take this day to be quiet...and just be."

Leo had left before I got up for a train trip with some friends. Owen was here during the day, had then had band practice and left to go to his girlfriend's house with a package of pork chops in his backpack to cook for her. Let's hope he brings the spices he took back. So it was just us in the evening. It feels odd but a harbinger of things to come, as it should be of course. If we weren't in the midst of a pandemic and unemployment Leo would have already moved out....he's itching to. Owen too.

The combination of the stress and anxiety of our personal issues with the stress of our world issues is exhausting. I know I should get more exercise, eat better, drink less wine. I'm envious of those who are able to take this time to tackle house projects as well as ambitious cooking or writing or doing. My response is just to get quiet and nest, whether it's in my chair in the living room with the laptop, or in my corner of the couch in the media room or in my bed reading.

BUT, it's Sunday now, and Bob and I have finished snuggling and reading in bed (well, I read, he snuggles) and I am across the hall in my messy office and the light is nice and it feels good to be writing this even though it's just stream of consciousness rambling about my life.

Love to all.

Onward.

Pictures from the week:

One of the highlights of my week were my birthday drawings from Eva. I also got a winking soft serve lemon ice cream cone and a koala...but you know me...the lobster was my favorite. THANK YOU EVA!

Lately, if I ask Owen to get me a glass of wine he rummages around in the cupboard to find a different goblet than I usually use. He dug out a Lily of the Valley goblet the other day that I'd forgotten we had. Yesterday was a classic Bellflower with the knob stem and barrel bowl...my favorite.

The volunteer pumpkin plant that is taking over my zinnias. Oh well.

If you EVER come to our house and see a blanket on a couch or chair...DO NOT SIT ON IT. Rascall loves to worm his way under there. At least this time he left a bread crumb of a hint.

Post snuggle this morning.

 

Missing moments

I've been missing David Olney. On our trip to Beaver Island last week we listened to one of his albums and his face and his voice have stuck within me.

It just seems like he should be walking up to our porch. I would open the door and hug him and tell him he looked beautiful and he would give me that little smirk that meant, "she's a little over the top but I love her anyway." Dan Seymour would be standing behind him smiling and I would be SO happy. Sometimes that moment was even better than the performance, not that that's really possible.

When I think of people I've lost there's always one little gesture or detail that hits me and I wonder how that can not exist in this world anymore. How can the way my sister rubbed her nose not be still happening? How can that quick smile of Nick Rudd's not be there? How can David's kindly smirk not be happening?

I remember him singing Look, one of my favorites, once and as he started he pulled his glasses off and threw them on the coffee table in front of him in our crowded living room. And he closed his eyes for a moment and sang and then he did that little shuffle I loved so much. 

I guess that moment is still out there. But I miss him.

Love you forever, David.

A Good Update

MRI showed no new cancer growth. We'll get more info on Monday but for now, it's good news. A million thanks for the love and prayers and good wishes, both birthday and cancer related.

Love to you all.

our first night on Beaver Island last week

 

I gave an MRI for my birthday

I must say that I try REALLY hard to find the positives in our life, of which there are many, and not feel sorry for myself. Every so often, however, I fail. 

Today, I'm failing.

We got back from Beaver Island Monday night and yesterday morning Ernie began experiencing symptoms from his cancer again. I talked to Vasireddy's office...they talked to Vasireddy and he said to get Ernie in for an MRI as soon as possible. At first, they were talking ER and we SO did not want to do that. I've only spent two long days in the emergency room this year, but that's still too many. Luckily (?), they scheduled him for one this morning instead. So, for my birthday today, I got Ernie an MRI.

I can't even go with him anymore. I have to drop him off at the hospital and come back home. I'm trying to get caught up with work but I am distracted. I'm waiting for the boys to either wake up or get home so I can make them do something about our filthy house but I'm not sure that will make me happy either. It's not even as if we make a big deal about birthdays, we really don't, but I can't say I'm particularly enjoying this one (despite all the lovely and MUCH appreciated wishes and greetings).

BUT...we ordered quail and some salmon from Cheese and Crackers to pick up later. Might cook the quail for dinner tonight. I've never cooked it so that should be fun. AND, Owen's going to mow the lawn, AND when Leo gets up I'll either ask him to vacuum the living room and dining room or mop the bathroom floor. AND hopefully, Ernie will be done before too, too long. He'll be a tiny bit loopy from the Xanax they give him. He gets very chatty which can be entertaining.

So, all will be ok.

Onward.

 

 

Clawing our way to Beaver Island

My forehead is peeling from the bit of sunburn I got at the beach on Beaver Island so I guess my trip is fading away a bit. The memories, and the escape I got from daily life, will hang on though.

It's a miracle we actually made it. Teri booked this trip last year. There had been supposed to be a music festival, although that, of course, fell by the wayside. After Ernie's cancer reared its ugly head over the New Year we didn't know if we'd be able to make it with his chemo schedule. Then the pandemic hit of course. At one point I told Teri we couldn't do it....that I thought it might be too much for Ernie and we were too worried to travel. Then we wavered and decided to go. It was our friend's Becca's house which we knew would be clean and safe. Then Owen ended up in the emergency room. He got a bit better so we decided that yes, we would go. Then he had a relapse the day before we were supposed to leave. I could have cried with worry and stress and indecision. Eventually, the two boys encouraged us to go. Leo assured me he would do anything Owen needed and he was not in any kind of imminent danger so we should just go. We waffled. We were both so exhausted that it almost seemed easier to just stay home but we knew it would be worth it. At 10:30 the night before we were supposed to leave we just looked at each other blearily. We both still had to shower and pack and set the alarm for 2:30 the next morning. But...we did it.

I dozed for a hell of a lot of the drive. Poor Ernie. We got to Charlevoix and I ate the filling of a sandwich and that perked me up some (eating not only gluten-free but low fodmap at restaurants is not easy). I kept assuring Teri that I would perk up. We sat on benches watching the rain and waiting for the ferry. Overall people in Michigan MUCH better at masking than in Illinois. 

I adore watching the ferry ballet. I find the unloading of cars, trucks, luggage, bicycles, kayaks, of anything imaginable...utterly fascinating. It's always a pleasure to watch people good at what they do and the choreographed swooping in and out of forklifts just delights me for some reason.

We reached Beaver Island only to see our beloved Becca and Bryan waving their signature pool noodles in the rain. It felt so good to be there. Our house was wonderful of course. Becca and Bryan are really good at what they do and Becca has a brilliant eye (as you can see from her Instagram).

It was late afternoon when we got there but it felt like midnight to me. We sat and talked and relaxed. I drank some wine and started to shed some of my stress. We actually even managed to fix dinner! We had brought some smoked pork chops from Triple S as one of our only contributions. Brian grilled them perfectly and I think we thew together a salad although I mostly remember the chops. Lord I love those. We ate, sat and chatted and I begged permission to go to bed. It wasn't close to dark but I laid there reading a bit, slowly sinking deep into the bed and watched the light slowly darken. It felt heavenly.

More to follow.

Update

First and foremost, Owen is feeling better. Not great, but much better. He had a phone appointment with gastro yesterday and will be doing some further tests. We shall see what happens.

It's been a hard week. 

In the wake of all this strange uncertainty, the four of us went ahead and got tasted for COVID. All negative and the process was incredibly easy and quick.

I've been a bit under the weather. I don't know if it's a lesser case of what Owen has or just the combination of stress and everything else. I'm trying to get caught up with work. It's been kind of a lost week. Yesterday we had two phone appointments about Ernie's oral chemo. Sometimes those things are hard. I mean, everybody's great and clear about information; it just makes everything all too real. They also seemed to be indicating that Ernie should go ahead and start it right away...which would have had him on double chemo. I spoke up and they double-checked and yes, he shouldn't be starting it until the end of the month. As good as everyone is you gotta keep an eye on it all and speak up when it doesn't seem right. Channeling my inner Renee.

The silver lining this week was spending a lot of time with Owen. And Leo got some great train shots.

Onward.

Oh, and he has a helmet now...thanks to Ginna and Steve!

Watching Waiting for Guffman

Supposedly, Rascal is completely asleep...but I still don't trust that paw.