The Sandwich Life

"It’s gotta be in ya to do it."

On Friday we woke up to grey skies but it wasn't raining so we couldn't complain. Besides, I think fall leaves look best against grey skies. Ernie used to argue with me but he has come around to my side. Just like when I met him I said chocolate ice cream was best but now I am vanilla all the way.

We drove a bit out of our way for this next stop but it was well worth it. The Wisconsin Concrete Park in Phillips, Wisconsin. I know I'm posting too many pictures---it's kind of a sensory overload except that it feels just like that when you are there---color, texture everywhere.

Fred Smith, born in 1886 and illiterate, created these sculptures after retiring from the lumber camps, from roughly 1950 to 1964 when he had a stroke and was confined to a nursing home for the rest of his life. Check this out for more information. Turns out there's an AirBnB onsite...if only we'd known!

Purcell, Elmslie, Jenny, and Me

A week or so ago, my friend Jenny messaged me and said she had something to drop off (hmmm did I write about this already? I don't know. That's ok because there's more this time). She came by on a sunny Sunday and gave me a gorgeous book on Prairie architects Purcell and Elmslie. I was utterly delighted with it. Then things got hectic with phones and chemo and preparing for our trip and I set it aside to look at later. Thursday evening as we were driving around Rhinelander, Wisconsin in the rain we stopped at a light. As I glanced to the right I jumped seeing the ornamentation on the building. I knew it wasn't Louis Sullivan because I have all his banks listed in my head. I quickly googled and sure enough, we were sitting next to a Purcell and Elmslie bank! Of COURSE I'd forgotten to bring the book with me!! I was so excited. We went back the next morning when it was merely gray and not raining and grabbed some pictures.

When we got home I read a bit about it in my book. The bank originally wanted to be in the front with two stores behind them. Purcell and Elmslie convinced them to have the two stores have entrances on the front (see the facade) as well as on a hallway that led to the bank behind them. This way all three would have street access and the stores would have windows for display on the street as well as on windows on the hallway. Reportedly the drugstore didn't really get this concept and put shelves up on the window on the hallway.

Delightful. Thank you so much, Jenny!! 

Random Post Wander Notes

1. In case you were wondering, Bob DID forgive Ernie for being gone for a few days. He seemed a bit put out with him when we first got home but quickly got over it and once again faithfully  followed Ernie wherever he went. And as you can see, when they settled onto the couch, they made up completely. Oh, and mid-trip, Ernie actually announced that he missed Bob...something he's never been willing to admit to previously.

2. On the first day of the drive we were terrorized for a good part of it by a spider crawling around the car evading capture. He eventually darted onto the windshield. Ernie made a grab for him while I leaned against the door in horror. 

"DID YOU GET HIM?"

"I think so. Well, at least I got one leg."

 "ONE LEG!!! OMG"

"Cynthia, STOP YELLING or I'm going to hit something" (because of course, this happened when we were in the thick of traffic).

Eventually, this led to us finding a spot to pull over and me standing outside in the rain while Ernie vanquished  the spider before we drove on.

3. So, before the trip I researched COVID rates in Wisconsin and Michigan. At the time it appeared that the high rates were centered in southern Wisconsin and mostly related to colleges reopening. Then, of course, when we got there it seemed to be everywhere and the news is full of stories about Wisconsin. Sigh. Mostly we were in the middle of nowhere and by ourselves so fingers crossed. The mental health value of this trip was incredible.

4. The fall colors were glorious and even further along than I had expected. It's the glowing yellow that always makes me feel like I am floating. 

5. Ernie still hates it when I make him drive down unpaved roads. Sniff.

6. It looks like Ameren is going to have to massacre (well, they said 'trim pretty hard') the maple in our yard. I guess I can't complain since they saved me with the ash tree. The damn maple was never supposed to grow that tall. I will never learn that the little tags on trees and bushes in the nursery are not exact measurements of future height. Sigh. Well, the whole front yard needs to be rethought next year anyway. We shall see.

7. So glad to be back home eating real food instead of the junk we ate on the trip. I need the wanders, but home is good.

Onward.

There's That or Wander in the Age of COVID

We did it. We did a wander! It wasn't the SMOOTHEST wander we've ever done. Our beautiful forecast went to hell and we ended up with rain and storms and gray. Then again, I like gray...so there's that. Our car didn't behave and died periodically which stressed us out inordinately but it always started again...so there's that. When we got to our main destination we found there'd been a big upsurge in COVID cases in the area so we had to abandon our plans and ended up just staying in our hotel and skipping a lot of the places I'd planned to check out. However, we ended up sitting on the deck of the hotel that overlooked the river and drinking a bottle of wine and it might have been our favorite moment of the wander...so there's that.

Ernie loved this picture that was on the wall behind us at the Al-Gen bar. The bartender said it was her father in law's band. He was the drummer but third from the left in this picture. The best part? She proudly told us they'd even put out a 45.

A wander in the age of COVID is definitely a different beast. Normally we check into our hotel and then go find a local place for a drink. We sit, review the day and then get some food to take back to our room. Just couldn't bring ourselves to do it this time. We did stop in one dead empty bar for a drink but as a few people drifted in we took off. We went back to our budget hotel (they all seem to be owned by Wyndham now and some of the trademarks are no elevators and bathrooms so tiny to have to scuttle to the side of the toilet just to close the door. They did the trick though and were clean) in the drippy weather and decided to order food. Our choices were Pizza Hut, Domino's and Subway. Oh well. We went with Domino's and my gluten-free pizza actually wasn't terrible, nor were Ernie's chicken wings. Breakfast the next day was the thing we really missed. No going to a local place and getting our standard two eggs over easy, sausage patty, hash browns well done with iced tea for me and coffee for him. He ate his beloved Nutrigrain bars (since starting chemo he lives on them) and I ate an apple from the hotel. Later we stopped and I introduced Ernie to the glories of Frito's. If you are in a tiny store in the middle of nowhere with only have junk food snack options and you're really hungry, I recommend Frito's. Unless you can have gluten in which case I would go with pretzels. Frito's are more filling than other chips. Ernie fell under their spell and I was so proud. The next night was our aborted night. We were cranky and tired and couldn't decide what to do. Our hotel was right on the river (yes, I know I'm repeating myself) and had a big deck right off the lobby. Our room overlooked the parking lot so I suggested we take our bottle of wine out there and relax. It was absolutely perfect. We watched boats gliding along. The air was soft. Another person came out and sat down aways down from us, opened a beer and did a crossword. At one he called over to us, "Look, did you see the eagle?" And sure enough, a huge eagle swooped by us, following the river until he darted into some trees. Just magic. Eventually, it started drizzling so we went back to our room. Ernie had asked at the desk if there was any place that delivered other than pizza and they had given us a name. Unfortunately, they never answered their phone so we gave up. Pizza Hut this time. I don't think I've eaten either Pizza Hut or Domino's in a million years but I gotta say....the round goes to Pizza Hut. My gluten-free pizza was really very good. Who knew? By the time it was delivered a full-on storm had hit. We opened the curtains and sat on our bed eating pizza and watching the lightning, the wind and the rain. That and a Hallmark movie made for a pretty great evening. 

The next day we had to dart amongst downed trees and power lines. The days' eating was Nutrigrain bars, pecans and Fritos. We got into the town we were staying in kind of early. I had done my research and had found one bar that had outside tables but when we drove by we could see the tables were right up against each other. Sigh. We were really done with driving though so given the previous night's success I sent Ernie into a gas station to get ice and wine and I googled until I found a nearby park on a lake. We headed there and again, it was was lovely. There was a fishing dock with benches so we sat there and let the drive work its way out of us. Eventually we felt relaxed and rejuvenated so we took some pictures before decamping to our motel. That night we lucked out with food. There was a local burger/pizza place across the street and the food was so good that we kept talking about it the next day. Ernie had his standard Club sandwich (the boy LOVES a good club sandwich) and I had a burger on a gluten free bun (!). Absolutely amazing. Storheim's in Iron Mountain, Michigian. Another Hallmark movie, a piece of chocolate and some more rain and we were done. 

We headed home on Sunday. We stopped once or twice but once we were on the highway we got impatient to get home. As much as I love to wander, it always feels lovely to be home. Thank you so much to the folks that helped make this all work. It did our hearts good. We didn't get tons of pictures but got some nice ones I think. I will post more soon. I'll be posting images on my Instagram as well.

Onward.

A Nick Sized Hole

I got the Paul Collins book in the mail the other day (it SORELY needed an editor. A far better use of your money would be the Chuck Prophet book). Something in the book reminded me of Nick and I so wanted to send off a text to him about it. I can just see how he would have nodded and laughed. 

It made me miss him so I scrolled through some of our back and forth messages. I came across this one.

Hi Cynthia, I hope you are well. You're like the greatest mom in the world regarding the Flaming Groovies/Owen situation. I love you so much for that, not that I didn't already, but it's just another rose on the heap. I love that Owen messages me about the car and other moments as well. I was driving home from work tonight and listening to an album I've had for a while but only recently really taking a shine to and wanted to share it with you. You may already know about it and love it but I'll be goddamned if the Kris Kristofferson record This Old Road isn't a long in the tooth masterpiece for the old guy then I don't know scat. Also, I been wanting you to know that I thought of you while driving through the desert of New Mexico while listening to Tom Russell's album, The Long Way Around, which I was drawn to by the song Beyond the Blues which I first heard played by Bob Neuwirth but it's co written by him TRussell and Peter Case. I told Owen he needs to get me a video or audio of Taxi Boys set with PC too. Hope you are well. Much love, Nick

Later he sent me a short video of Peter Case when he was doing a Wild Honey Show at Paul Rock's. It made me smile so hard. I wrote back:

Sniff, sniff. I love you. It's funny...changes sometimes change perceptions...if that makes sense. Not that I ever doubted how much I loved you, but this has reinforced it. Give my love to Peter!

I miss Nick.

He has left a Nick sized hole in my life, and that is pretty big.

 

 

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

I feel like one giant ball of stress. A stress ball, that's what I am. I'm stressed about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Anxiously waiting for delivery of both my replacement phone and of Ernie's monthly supply of chemo. I feel like Hattie looks. Shaved and raw.

Speaking of Hattie, I am not even going to post a picture of her shaved. It's just too painful to look at. She feels better though and has been relatively perky. Owen gave her her ear drops. Now I need to get some laxative, which she hates, into her. Oh, and her appetite stimulant. As I said with my parents, aging is not for the weak. Not at all.

Bright side? Some of the bug's parts are ready from the machine place. Cross your fingers. And Pendulum has two new songs out so Leo's happy.

Onward.

 

 

Monday, Monday

Last week: not too bad

Saturday: lazy, but nice

Sunday: high point having Jenny stop by with a gorgeous book on Purcell and Elmslie (❤️). Low points: iPhone being bricked and unrepairable. $200 deductible

Monday: high point: Hattie feels better shaved and depooped and anal glanded at the vet. Low point: But then there's the bill. I mean,  yeah, she's my girl, so whatever it takes, but timing, timing, timing.

Sigh.

I've been working like crazy because despite the bills we are still hoping to do a wander, perhaps shortened, later this week. Ernie's been really tired today, dozing a lot. I'm trying to take deep breaths.

As always, Bob seems to rise above it all.

Onward.

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1. I give you the glory that is late 80's Ernie. I'm guessing late 80's or very early 90's.

One of me although I can't match his glory. My friend, Eileen, sent me a big batch of photos...many from our wedding and some others, like these, that made me chortle in delight. I just find him incredibly beautiful. My boy. The pictures and note from her made my day.

I think one of those days was the time he and Eileen and I were sitting outside her back door in Rogers Park and kept waving to the L as it went by. At one point it stopped and flashed their lights and we laughed and waved. A short time later, after he'd gotten off work, the L driver came walking up her back steps. I think from the L, he thought Ernie with all that hair was a woman (used to happen in those days but we'd sometimes get free drinks out of it). I think he thought he'd found three babes that wanted to party. He left soon after.

2. Today I find myself once again wondering how I can be so stupid. Here is my dinner last night.

I was SUPPOSED to take the breading off that gorgeous piece of fried chicken. I didn't. Sigh. Just managed to get out of bed and my stomach is pissed at me. Sometimes I can sneak some gluten and sometimes I can't. It was DAMNED tasty though! Thanks to Dennis for the kind contribution of dinner because I really DIDN'T feel like cooking. 

3. Leo and Ernie and I got to hang out with Ann and Bob and Sophie the other night....on their beautiful deck and on a gorgeous evening. I always feel more myself after time with them. And, in a strange turn of events, Ann was wearing black and I was wearing an Ann Rasmus blue. Huh.

 

4. Owen is a born nester. As he once did in the garage, he has created a hideaway and practice space for the band in our old, drafty unfinished basement. He's taken every stray piece of fabric or blanket and hung them up on the walls. He's stolen all our Christmas tree lights from the boxes full of Christmas stuff, he's added Chinese lanterns they took from the wedding they played at and spare lamps, etc to create quite a delightful little space. It's the odd additions, like that little Alcala's keychain hat hanging from a rafter that I really like. And of course, Mario of course watches over it all.

Onward.

 

 

 

Waves and Moments

I wrote and deleted TWO posts on Friday. That's unlike me. Normally I just spit them out no matter how they sound. They sounded whiny though so I just backspaced my way right out of them. It was a bleh kind of week for me. I felt cross and frustrated for no particular reason. I had a meeting with my friend Pam later that day though and she always helps me sort through things. We'd had similar weeks and both were feeling out of sorts. The more I thought about it and as we talked it through, I realized there's not always going to be a direct rhyme or reason to these feelings. In many ways, I think we are ALL grieving (man, I read through all my January blog posts and thought HOLY SHIT). We're grieving for the way our vision of our life, our country and our futures have changed and grief comes in waves.

Grief comes in waves.

I'd never heard that phrase until my father passed and a kind woman from his church told me that. It is so true. So, in these hard times, sometimes a wave will just hit and I need to just let that be and let it recede, as all waves do.

On a similar topic, my beloved Jeff Evans posted something this weekend on FB that has also been stuck in my mind.

What gives your life meaning, purpose, and feeling grounded?

I haven't responded on FB because I keep turning it over in my head. 

Ok. Here goes.

At first thought I want to say 'my family,' but what does that mean? Just the fact that my family exists? No, of course not, so I guess it is giving and feeling of love from my family. That includes my immediate family whom I am lucky enough to adore, but also my family of choice which is so many incredible friends like Jeff. The giving and getting of love gives me strength. When I tell you I love you, I really do. When my sister died I realized I had to take every chance I have to let people know that I love them. So I do.

Music, and the way it helps me work through questions like this and all my life experiences.

And lastly, the finding of moments of pleasure and joy each day and trying to record or acknowledge them. So I take pictures of my cats and my food and my boys and signs and buildings and roads. I use my 19th century glass to drink from. I listen to David Olney and Ian Hunter and all the other musicians that speak to me. And I write about it here so that it is documented for me. The acknowledgement of those things gives me strength and lets me be grounded.

I think that's it, but I will keep turning this over in my head, Jeff.

Waves and moments.

Onward.

My first fall leaf on my dirty, but deeply loved laptop.

I didn't want to cook but I DID. Cooked some slightly old greans and tossed them with my kale pesto and sauteed some rockfish in just salt, pepper, cornstarch. Ernie says the beans won. I say it was a tie.

And then there's Bob. Watching total trust and love in action.

 

Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1. The days putter along in their basic rhythm but here and there things pop up. Car goes in the shop tomorrow, Owen had his colonoscopy and endoscopy today. First glance things look ok, will wait for more info. His girlfriend, Trinity, took him which I really loved. As I told him, taking your boyfriend to get a colonoscopy isn't the sexiest thing in the world. I love, love, love how they take care of each other.

2. So, I will sit here and worry about the car and my baby and everything else in the world I can think of...including, why Bob Woodward saved everything for his book when perhaps, just perhaps, publishing some of it sooner, could have made a difference.

3. I don't know if I want time to speed up or slow down. I do know I want fall here. The sweet Autumn clematis is already fading so I guess it is slowly coming.

4. I've perfected my map for our next wander. Of late, after researching locations and possibles sites I pop it all into Google's My Maps so I have it all laid out and can pull up the images and directions quickly. It gives a ridiculous amount of pleasure. Here is the plan for this month's trip. Thank you SO much to the folks that have contributed to making this happen. I am indeed blessed with good friends, whether I know them directly or not!

5. When I came out of the bedroom this morning, this was what greeted me. And yes, I am a messy desk person.

Onward.