The Sandwich Life

Disclaimer

Please note: I write this blog for the pleasure of retelling portions of my life to friends near and far, known and unknown. As much as I spill so many details of my life, this is edited. If you are looking for any kind of formal assessment of me, or my health, please contact me directly.

General Housekeeping Notes and Lack of Lightning

I spent some time this morning, an inordinate amount of time really, getting the Sandwich Life House Concerts Facebook page relatively up to date. We've got next Friday's show with our beloved Eric Brace, Peter Cooper and Thomm Jutz, then in April we have My Darling Clementine, a British due of Michael Weston King and Lou Dalgleish. Peter Case had recommended them to us some time ago but the dates never worked so I'm very excited to have them here next month. Make sure to click on over and read up a bit and listen! Then in May we welcome back Adam and Chris Carroll. They absolutely blew us away last year. We'll see what happens after that.

Also, a couple of people had mentioned to me that they use to get emails about blog posts but they no longer do. I had tried to figure out why to no avail so today I buckled down and have hopefully solved the problem. You will need to sign up again (in the right column of the blog). Give it a try if you like and do let me know if you have problems.

In other news, apart from the temperature being 40 degrees lower this Saturday (crazy) our day was basically like last Saturday. We shipped Owen off to band practice and then headed out for a drive. Last Saturday had been such a heavenly little trip that we trying again. We had a good time, but alas, lightning did NOT strike twice. We headed over to Danville and tried the Moon Glo, a place that can only be described as a roadhouse. On a crossroads southeast of town, with a smattering of houses on one side and empty cornfields on the other, I imagine it looks as it did many decades ago. We went in and started with a margarita. I never drink margaritas but my sister Judi loved them and it was her birthday today so we drank one in her memory. We also ordered a cheeseburger. The thing was HUGE. The little square of American cheese barely covered about 30 percent of it and wasn't visible without exploration.Unfortunately it was sort of bland. It was juicy enough (as per the oil stain on my dress) but not a touch of salt and no salt shakers to be seen. Onions and pickles and lettuce were on the side and I found if I put enough pickle on it got a bit more flavorful but eh. I was a tad disappointed as, for God's sake, it's called a MOON BURGER. Ernie ordered fries and they were so bad we only ate a couple and when does THAT happen? We had a good time nonetheless, and I bet, on a Saturday night, with a bunch of friends, that burger tastes great. Today...not so much, but I got to drink a toast to my sister and hang out with my guy. All good.

 

 

Moving Along...and Thanks

Most mornings, as Ernie drives me to work, we go down St. Mary's Road. We pass the fields and the round barns, looking at the horses and the weird golf practice lawns as we go by. Awhile back we saw a beautiful young colt with its mother and now every day Ernie looks for the colt. He worries, you know. This morning as we went by, in the pouring rain, there was the mare, with the colt tucked below her nursing. It made us smile and Ernie said, "The baby is probably saying, "Why do we have to stand in the rain?" And I said, "Oh noooo, it's the MOTHER asking why the hell do we have to stand in the rain!" We laughed, and then I asked, "Was it Leo or Owen that made me stand in the rain on the side of the highway so they could use the potty chair in the van 'in private'?" He let out a laugh, first saying, "probably Leo," and then, "No, probably Owen!" "It's too bad you didn't start your blog when they were born," he commented.

We mused for a minute about the fact that I'm starting the tenth year of this blog. When my beautiful Kristi Rose left a Facebook comment on yesterday's post, she said, "Leo declaring "Owen cheated" resonated. NOTHING to do with either Leo OR Owen. It just resonated...in life." That, of course, is the perfect response because it is so very, very true. If anyone enjoys reading my blatherings it's because in so many ways we all have the same experiences in life. And those flashes of recognition are comforting I think. It's comforting to know that we all go through the same frustrations and joy and sadness and irritations and pleasures and....well, all of it.

I was busy yesterday so I kind of tossed that post up quickly without a lot of thought. What I didn't have time to say was that I thank you. I thank those of you that read this blog. For some reason, into which I never want to delve too deeply, it makes it easier to process things if I am writing for an audience....no matter how small or how imaginary. So I thank you for reading because writing it really helps me. And I am so thankful for the friends I have made through this blog. I never could have dreamed that people I met through this could stand with my other oldest, dearest friends as being so vitally important in my life. So I thank all of you...those I know in real life, those I know online, and if there are any of you that just read and I don't know...I thank you as well.

And onward to real life I go. A bit of water in the basement last night. A busy day at work today. An appointment at the bank at the end of the day. Another evening cooking dinner and curling up and watching some Longmires with Owen. As both Owen and Sue said, "he's SO Harrison Ford."

Moving along....

 

Happy Tenth to the Sandwich Life

Today is the 10th anniversary of this blog. I kid you not. Ten years of my life, spilled onto the computer, right here at your fingertips. Ten years ago I was working somewhere else, albeit unhappily. My parents were alive and living in Urbana. Judi was happy and healthy and a faculty member at Clemson. Ernie was doing well and we thought perhaps his cancer was gone for good. It's been a long ten years, but at the end of it, we stand here, the four of us, and we count ourselves pretty damn lucky.

This was what the boys were doing when I started this blog:

 

This is what Ernie and I looked like:

This is what Judi and the boys looked like:

This is what my parents looked like:

And now....it's me and my three guys:

Wow.

Why the Sandwich Life?

My cousin Linda recently asked me why this blog is called The Sandwich Life. I started this so long ago...I forget that it's not obvious anymore.... When I began writing here back in 2006 I was in the midst of feeling the overload of being layered between young kids and elderly parents. The boys were only 4 and 6 and my folks were well along,  my mother with a lot of health issues and my father in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. Juggling the two was a bit of a challenge. Ernie was just finishing his first round of treatment for cancer and I was in a poisonous job. Needless to say, I felt squished between many layers.

It's almost hard to imagine now. Sometimes I go back and read  and shake my head. And of course it wasn't long after all that that my sister Judi was diagnosed with bile duct cancer and it was a year and a half of traveling back and forth to South Carolina to her before moving her into our home. It was a time of a lot of pressure and many layers. Judi used to joke about the fact that the 'sandwich generation' was something of a myth---in that most people's kids are older by the time they are dealing with elderly parents.  She would laughingly hold us up as an example in her classes though. That's what we got for having kids later in life!

My life is not really a sandwich any more but I will always identify with that. When we began, rather unwittingly, to do house concerts, one of the bookers needed a name for the series, and since I had written about the artist on my blog he said, "I'll just call it Sandwich Life House Concerts." 

And here we are.

Speaking of house concerts everybody...don't forget about our beloved Phil Lee. Next Saturday----and with a new album in hand!!! Woo-hoooo!

 

The Pop Gene

I never really understood what hardwired creatures we are until I had children. Watching the boys be themselves from the time they were born....hell, from the very labor that birthed them (Leo was very stubborn even in utero)....utterly amazing. I knew we'd pass traits on to them....but I never imagined how flagrant some of that would be.

Last night Leo was in abject misery because not only does he have a historical fiction Civil Rights story to write, he then has to write a poem. I shook my head in commiseration because although I can write the shit out of my somewhat innocuous everyday life....ask me to write any kind of fiction or creative writing and I stop dead in my tracks. My poor sweet pea.

When Ernie picked me up from work yesterday he said Owen had decided to clean up the living room (perhaps finally put away some of the chairs from the David and Sergio house concert two weeks ago as I'd been asking him to do for some time). So what did Owen do? He went over to the turntable and put a record on. Ernie left to the strains of Paul Collins and the Beat.

That just cracked me up. I never knew there was a pop gene. Evidently there is though...because Owen has clearly inherited it from his father.

Later that evening I walked into the kitchen only to hear Owen singing a Cheap Trick song to himself.

My sweet peas.

 

Trolls, Frittata Espanola, and Other Random Notes

1. Lord but I'm sick of sick. Owen's better but the rest of the family has been felled to varying extents. Leo and I are both home again today but are feeling better so I guess there is light at the end of the tunnel. I remember being sick this much the year Leo started kindergarten. What the hell is the reason this year?

2. I posted this on facebook but for those of you that didn't see it.....this is the troll that harassed me for a short time. He harassed my friend for years and when I say harassed, I mean absolutely vile, sexually filled anti-semitic, racist, violent comments....for YEARS....just imagine. He then started her friends which is how I got involved. Sad, sad, sad creature.

Man pleads guilty to electronic harassment

News-Gazette, April 15, 2014

 

Photo by: Provided

Robin B. King.

URBANA — A suburban St. Louis man who admitted that he electronically harassed a woman in Champaign County last year has been sentenced to two years of probation.

Robin King, 56, of Bella Villa, Mo., offered no explanation when asked by The News-Gazette why he posted the vulgar, racist, sexist comments on Lori Stewart's blog, other than: "There's two sides to every story."

On the advice of his Champaign attorney, Jim Martinkus, King declined to say any more. Martinkus had cautioned his client that further comment could affect his job with the Department of Defense in St. Louis.

King pleaded guilty Tuesday before Judge Tom Difanis to a single Class B misdemeanor count of harassment through electronic communication. The language of the charge said he used electronic communication to post obscene comments intended to offend Stewart and her family.

Assistant State's Attorney Troy Lozar told Difanis that the comments had sexual, racial and religious overtones.

Stewart laughed when she heard the "two sides to every story" comment, given that she doesn't know King and has never seen him in person.

"He was smart enough never to leave me a direct threat," Stewart said after the plea.

Stewart thought for years that her harasser, whose frequent comments dated as far back as 2007, was "some teenage kid."

When she learned last Memorial Day weekend that it was an adult man who worked for the Department of Defense, she was surprised. The harassment stopped almost a year ago when police investigators figured out King was the commenter.

"He didn't have to say he would do something to us for it to feel threatening. He was clearly unhinged. That was threatening to have an anonymous person say such nasty things to you for years. You don't know if you're sitting next to him in a restaurant, you don't know if he's a neighbor, you don't know if he's a co-worker. You just speculate 'Who has this much anger directed at you?'" she said.

Stewart said some of the comments suggested she should kill her mother who has Alzheimer's, or that her son serving in the military in the Middle East should be run through with a bayonet. He even made fun of her sister who had cancer.

"He signed me up for white supremacist websites. He subscribed me to things. I was subscribed to porn sites. He still had a way of manipulating me without ever directly threatening me. I was never terrified of the guy. I was unsettled," she said.

Stewart said she altered her posts to try to avoid the comments but he posted comments on blogs of associates that were directed at her.

When she learned that someone had created accounts using her name and signed her name to hate-filled messages directed at Jewish and gay people, she went to police.

It was in March 2013 that Champaign County sheriff's investigator Jody Ferry began looking into the posts. With the help of a Champaign police detective who is an expert in computer-related crimes, they traced the messages to King.

King never shed any light on his motivation. However, his ex-wife told police that he was on medication that caused him to behave differently than he otherwise would have, State's Attorney Julia Rietz said.

Rietz said Lozar conferred with Stewart and three other King victims before the plea and "they were aware of the terms and were in agreement."

In exchange for his plea and a promise to have no contact with them, the state dismissed four more serious felony counts of harassment by electronic communication. He was also ordered to get a mental health evaluation.

Stewart said she believes the laws on this issue are vague and she intends to contact legislators to see if they can be strengthened.

"Too many people are getting the message: 'There's nothing we can do' and are putting up with this harassment. Something needs to be done about that. Clearly it's an issue. It's not just kids messing with each other."

After having experienced the harassment for so long, Stewart said she was surprised that King agreed to plead guilty.

"I'm happy he's at least being held accountable."

3. In my continuing week of bland dinners we made a tortilla espanola for dinner last night, served it with asparagus and one of the Meat Lab's Toscano sausages (well, that part wasn't bland). The frittata turned out pretty great I must say. I made Ernie do the upside down flipping but it worked beautifully. 

I think I enjoyed it but I was so pissed at Owen that I kind of ate without noticing. These things happen. Sigh. He's still my sweet pea though. He came up to me later, without prompting, and said, "Mom, I'm sorry I got mad at you and yelled and thank you for making this dinner for me." Ah baby.

4. The other day Ernie and I were antsy so we went for a drive. We just drove out in the country and chatted and I could feel myself loosening inside.... We watched some burning in the fields and found an old cemetery we'd never seen before. Nothing better than a drive with my baby. 

 

Seven Years

Good Lord A Mama, as Owen used to say....for whatever reason I just realized that I have been writing this blog for SEVEN years.

Wow.

I went back and looked at my post from the 4th of July that first year I was writing this and I tell you.....
THAT'S how my boys should look. Not like the hulking creatures that are almost as tall as I am.

 

My sweet boys.

Thoughts and Questions

1. We had to be at Carle today at 7:00 am for some tests. Sometimes it feels so odd to be with Leo at these things. I have to bite my tongue not to answer questions for him. He knows perfectly well how old he is and if he's allergic or had surgeries, etc. He's so grown up....and then I look at his sweet face and think...."oh, he's my baby...."

2. Since he'd had to fast since yesterday evening he requested Dunkin Doughnuts afterward. Ernie and I sat and talked with him as he feasted on his chocolate covered with sprinkles doughnut. I sipped my iced tea and mused, "Remember when we called those party doughnuts?" He paused, holding his doughnut in the air, and said authoritatively, "We NEVER called these party doughnuts." No matter how much I insisted he just looked at me disbelievingly.

We did though.

Party doughnuts.

They look like a party for Christ's sake!

And yes, he was so hungry that he actually allowed a picture of his face!

3. We went over to Boo and Doug's house last night and had dinner with them, their daughter Laura, and Val and Bob. Lord but I can't even begin to tell you how much good it did me. The comfort I find with that group is beyond words. Eventually Owen called a couple of times sounding lonely. He asked if we could come home soon. I said we would soon, but it would be awhile because we were having such a good time. He tried to rally, saying bravely, "Oh well....if you're having a good time then don't worry about it." Then he gave a little sigh. Man, he's good. We went home before long but it felt like we were flying....so relaxed and happy.

4. After dinner we looked at some pictures and then listened to part of the Concert for George Harrison. It sounded so fucking good. And all I could think of was this Todd Snider song. You gotta listen to the 2:12 mark though....

 

 

5. So I'm pondering the idea of doing a compilation of some of my blog posts and publishing it as an ebook. Whaddya think? Would anyone be interested in it? I wouldn't be doing it with the goal of selling a lot, much less making money, but just to hmmm...well, just to do it. I got kind of excited about it but then I thought....well, why the hell would anyone go to the trouble to read it if they can just come here? And it's not like the readers are flocking here.... I don't know. I can't decide whether it makes sense or not.... Let me know what you think.

The Rains Came....and Other Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  And the rains came.  We spent a lot of our time this weekend  sitting on our porch watching the rain.  Our porch is tiny (Ernie has a serious case of porch envy) but it's just enough space for Ernie and I to sit there and listen and watch.  

2.  Yesterday of course the rains came again.  When I got home I parked up at the end of the block because of course it was completely flooded at the end of our street.  The water was full of splashing muddy kids.  I walked around and saw that my neighbor’s back yard was full of standing water and when I looked out at our field there was standing water there as well.  Sigh.  Once the water is standing in the field our basement doesn’t have a prayer.  Oh well.

3.  A blog question.  If anyone that reads this has a blog with ads on it….can you tell me how much traffic you need to make it worthwhile?  I don’t get tons of traffic and I’ve never wanted to do ads but even if it just made a few bucks….it could go to covering the monthly cost of this. I'm kind of wishy-washy but curious.

4.  I went to admire my zinnias the other morning and promptly got hysterical about all the Japanese beetles nuzzling their way right into the flowers and chomping.  Time to get the soapy water out.  At least I'm not battling cabbage worms on my kale like my friend Linda is.  Gosh this is scintillating prose----no wonder I don't have more traffic.  HA!

 
5.  Congratulations to my friend Dean and his wife Tricia who now have a second beautiful baby girl! 

6.  I've been thinking about my sister Judi a lot lately.  Maybe because we're dealing with setting up the trust for the boys and finally settling her estate.  I think in some ways I didn't expect to feel the loss as strongly as I do almost a year and a half after her death.  Not that I didn't think I would still miss her and grieve---that will last my whole life....but I guess I'm surprised by how much she is in my thoughts.  Trying to keep track of Owen at the City Museum in St. Louis made me laugh thinking it would have given Judi a heart attack---she always worried when she couldn't see them on the playground.  And when we watched Toy Story the other night on TV and the boys made fun of how loud my oohs and ahs are in moments of suspense-----I just told them that Judi was even louder when she watched movies and so there!  Ernie just nodded and assured the boys that was definitely true.  And when Owen came and pulled us out of the house to see the glowing orange sky the other night I asked him if he remembered when Judi called us upstairs to see the pink sunset from her room.  Or when I make a recipe I think she would have liked.  I loved cooking for her.  When I see a scratch on her beloved dining room table I flinch and I shake my head over how messy we keep the inside of her Honda.  And sometimes suddenly I just cry.  And the other day when her name came up and Ernie dissolved into tears.  Wiping his eyes, he said, "your sister.....I'm just not over that" and I knew what he meant. 

Perhaps it's because in losing a sibling you lose a part of yourself----in a way different than you do with a parent.  We expect to outlive our parents.  I don't think we expect to outlive a sibling.  Your sibling should always be there----giving you part of your history.  Remembering the way Dad would get mad at us if we upset Mom or remembering that our favorite dinner when we were little was when my mom would roll up meatloaf and mashed potatoes and slice it into pinwheels.  Remembering the way you could climb up the black drawer handles to sit in the corner of the kitchen counter and how my mother would yell at us for that.  Remembering the time we flew to Maine without our parents and flights got canceled and the airlines lost track of us.  Remembering eating bread, butter and sugar as a special treat.  Remembering all of it.

Maybe that's it.

I miss my mother terribly and still am not used to not having her to call---or to worry about.  And I miss my father and his political rants and his completely irrepressible spirit.  But Judi...oh man....do I miss Judi.