The Sandwich Life

Perspective

Yesterday was a pretty wretched day. I mean, I've certainly had worse. Nobody died, nobody got diagnosed with cancer, nobody wandered off and got lost in the haze of Alzheimer's, nobody ended a long friendship, no ambulances were called. See? There's been worse. But hurtful things were said to me that, well, hurt. And sometimes you realize that there's no core of friendship to cushion the hurt and that's sad. When you slowly realize that someone just doesn't particularly like you, it's unsettling. God knows I don't think everybody likes me. Believe me, that has been proven PALENTY of times, in a number of ways (see I've-had-worse-days above). I guess it's good to be kicked around a bit now and then....keeps things in perspective, but it wasn't the best day for it. Bad timing.

Then, of course, I was saddened, although not surprised, at the vote on the Burnham Mansion. So we will destroy a nationally significant structure for a parking lot...for 20 cars I'm told, although I'm not sure if that's exact. And the belief that one old building is the same as another old building by reasonably intelligent, educated people kind of blows my mind.

I got home from work, cried, drank a glass of wine, and then headed off to the City Council meeting. I did my little speech although I was as shaky as hell. Sometimes I'm ok at public speaking and sometimes I'm not. About three hours later, they voted and we went home. I had another glass of wine and ate some Japanese rice crackers for dinner.

Earlier, a friend had said, while encouraging me to go to the meeting, "Your father would be proud of you." Yeah, she knows how to get to me. And that did make me smile and think of him. I thought about when we would go visit my folks when the boys were little. We would come in the front door and my parents were usually in the back of the house sitting in the kitchen. Owen would race through the house bellowing hello to them, and run and hug them. Leo would hang back shyly and smile at them. When it was time to go, Owen would run to the car, yelling goodbye over his shoulder. Leo would go to each of them and give them sweet, careful hugs and tell them he loved them. So different, those two boys. Last night, when I got home from work, Owen galloped down the stairs and wished me luck and read my statement and told me he loved me. Later when we left, both boys yelled downstairs, "Good luck Mom." When Ernie and I got home somewhere after 10:00 Owen was already asleep, but Leo came down and sat with me, read my statement, told me it was well-written, told me he was sorry, and hugged me, and then he just sat with me.

Those two boys. So different and yet so alike in their love and goodness.

Perspective.

Onward.

Mansions and Music

Interestingly enough, I made it through the entire election cycle without a hint of discord on my Facebook page only to have it erupt over the Burnham Mansion...and got unfriended in the bargain. Life's a puzzle, eh? That is NOT how I want my support of this building to be seen. I think it is wrong for this building to be destroyed, particularly for surface parking. However I have dear friends, whom I think the world of, that are on the other side of the issue and I understand their points and respect them. I wish it had not come down to an either/or proposition....either you support education or you support preservation. That's the biggest point I wanted to make. I want to stand up for the role of history and historic architecture, and the important local, regional, and national significance of this structure. I want to stand up for this so next time this happens...perhaps the issue can be considered at a time when creative thinking and alternatives could make a difference.

Oh, and the news said 'dozens' of people...it was actually between 75 and 100 folks.

Onward. TONIGHT! Bill Chambers and Arna Georgia---Australian country music at the Sandwich Life. There is still space available....just yell if you want to join us.

 

A Favor

For those of you who are part of the CU community, I would ask you to join us for this protest. Don't get caught up in thinking 'this won't work so I won't bother.'

This is a STATEMENT.

Whether the house goes for a parking lot or not, it is important to make our voices heard that buildings such as this one add VALUE to our community. This really is not just about the Burnham Mansion...it is about making sure those in power understand that people care about preservation and historic architecture, and that these are important, vital issues. If the thought of this building being replaced by a parking lot makes you sad, say so, with me.

For this building to go without an outcry is an insult to our community.

I ask you as a friend, to please join me. It would mean the world to me.

 

For more thoughts on this issue, please see my previous post.

 

Rally at the Burnham House

603 W. Church, Champaign

Thursday, November 30th, 4:30-5:30!

We must stay on the sidewalk on Church and Lynn sides. Feel free to bring signs, but especially, enthusiasm!

Sponsored by the Save Burnham Mansion group. Hope to see you there!

Stand Up Now: Send A Message for Tomorrow

I'm being told it's a lost cause, that there's no way to fight it, it's a done deal. But you know, I stand up for what I believe. I don't do it perfectly, but I try my hardest to do it as best I can, and as honestly.

I voted for the school referendum 'to keep Central central.' However I didn't vote for one of the most significant houses within the city of Champaign to be torn down for a parking lot. For a Burnham and Root home, of national significance, to be a parking lot is ludicrous. I believe we should fight to save Burnham Mansion. Click here to read the landmark nomination for this structure.

The referendum stated:

Shall the Board of Education of Champaign Community Unit School District Number 4, Champaign County, Illinois, alter, repair and equip the Central High School Building, build and equip additions thereto, and acquire and improve the site thereof; improve facilities at Franklin Middle School, Spalding Park, and McKinley Field; alter, repair and equip the Centennial High School Building and build and equip additions thereto; demolish the existing Dr. Howard Elementary School Building and build and equip a new Dr. Howard Elementary School Building on that site; alter, repair and equip the South Side Elementary School Building and build and equip an addition thereto; alter, repair and equip the International Prep Academy Building and build and equip additions thereto; alter, repair and equip the Edison Middle School Building and build and equip an addition thereto; and issue bonds of said School District to the amount of $183,400,000 for the purpose of paying costs thereof? 

I don't like Dr. Howard being torn down but I accept it. And I knew that adding and repairing Central High School would entail property loss within the area. Given that there are a number of properties in that area that are non-contributing to the historic nature of the neighborhood, or of much, much less significance, I didn't think it would actually come to pass that the Burnham Mansion would be destroyed. I couldn't believe a city that has been mandated by its own legislation to identify and support historic preservation would allow this to happen. And I put that on the City, not the School Board.

Both the City and the School Board knew well before the referendum that this property was historically significant. Landmarks Illinois listed it as one of the most endangered properties in the state in spring of 2016. Here is the article in the GOP caucus that reported on the press conference that day in April 2016.

I understand those that say it's too late, but you know what? If you fight for this, you are not just standing up for this nationally significant historic work of architecture, rich in community history and a core element of a historic neighborhood, you are standing up for the NEXT building that will be threatened. If you believe in the value of historic architecture to our community, then you must fight for this building. Perhaps it will be for naught...but next time an important building is threatened, perhaps the quick and easy excuse of, "well, nobody said anything about it," won't be so easy to use. THAT is important. THAT is vital. THAT is needed.

If you believe in the historical, cultural, sustainable and irreplaceable role of history in our community. You must stand up for the Burnham Mansion. Stand up for this because it's the right thing to do, and so the City and the School Board recognize the strong support for these values.

Stand up NOW to send a message for TOMORROW.

 

No matter where and who you are...please contact the City Council members. It is up to them on December 5, 2018. See below for contact info.

History OVER parking lots!
Burnham and Central can coexist together.
Save the 1884 Burnham & Root designed Burnham Mansion.


Contact Mayor Deborah Frank Feinen
Email: Deb.Feinen@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-403-8720
"She has a passion to serve her community and to make Champaign a great place to live, work, play and stay."

Contact Clarissa Nickerson Fourman
Email: Clarissa.Fourman@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-402-6743

Contact Alicia Beck
Email: alicia.beck@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-721-2850

Contact Angie Brix
Email: Angie.Brix@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-714-1121

Contact Greg Stock
Email: Greg.Stock@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: (217) 403-8720
He previously served on the City’s Historic Preservation Commission.

Contact Vanna Pianfetti
Email: Vanna.Pianfetti@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-417-2417

Contact Tom Bruno
Email: Tom.Bruno@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-328-6000

Contact Will Kyles
Email: Will.Kyles@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-552-3625

Contact Matthew Gladney
Email: Matthew.Gladney@champaignil.gov
Office Phone: 217-355-1277

Before and After: You Can Be There

I love Matt Starks. On top of that, he sent over a disk drive with a ton of clips from the last house concert when the Taxi Boys opened for Peter Case. He had a million quick little clips from before and after the house concert and I found them delightful. They kind of captured it all. I give you: the befores and afters of a house concert. It might only be entertaining if you were there or if you know the guys but it made me smile and feel like I was right back there. And good god but I love that Peter Case. And of course, I kinda like the Taxi Boys too.

 

 

Random Notes on a Gloomy Monday Morning

1. Ok, I've been talking about Owen nonstop, but I must say I had a really nice long hang out with Leo Sunday morning. We watched the videos he'd put together of the Milwaukee Road 261 trip in Minneapolis and then I saw that he had done a long blog post about the trip too. I read it and I was so impressed with his writing and thoughtful commentary on the trip. Again, please excuse maternal bias, but if you like steam engines, or just like my sweet Leo, give this a read. It's on his website where he documents his work on Trainz videos----digital recreations of his favorite trains. Man, I love that boy.

https://smworks.weebly.com/blog--misc/chasing-milwaukee-road-261-updates

2. We celebrated our, gulp, 29th anniversary yesterday. Ernie spent the morning driving to Litchfield with Owen so they could pick up an amp Owen had bought on Craigslist. They hit an antique mall or two on the way back and generally had a good time. I think both of them were still floating from Friday night. Then they walked into a Walgreens in Litchfield and ran into Karen, a friend of Sue Davis' whom we'd just met once before. Sometimes you just gotta love Facebook!

3. While they were off gallivanting I met my dear friend Renee and had a long, long lunch. When I looked at my phone and saw it was almost 3:00 we were both shocked. It had flown by. It felt good to talk to her. She is grieving. It's been five months since her husband Michael passed away. We talked a lot about grief and love and mothering and family and it felt good. Renee always makes me feel more myself. I hope I give her something of that as well.

4. The boys had already returned home when Renee dropped me off. The four of us sat and talked and laughed. Then Ann and Bob stopped by (in true Rasmus fashion they always forget something at our house...we think it's kind of like dropping breadcrumbs...so they know they can come back) and had a celebratory anniversary drink with us. 

5. We'd been so focused on the house concert that we had absolutely no plans for our anniversary. We went out for a drink and then came home and ordered Chinese food, Yet again give us a reason to quote Handsome Dick Manitoba, "I used to live on pizza, now I live on Chinese food!"

6. Here's the full Taxi Boys set! Thanks to my beloved Doug Fink!

Onward!

 

Comfort

I felt so raw yesterday. Ernie and I gave up any attempt at productivity and curled up in the media room and binged on the new season of Bloodline. We cursed the sky whenever it was blue and nodded approvingly when it was gray. Later we headed over to our dear friend Sasha and Dick's for their annual appetizer/summer kick off party. Those people know how to entertain and Dick makes damned fine margaritas. Margaritas usually get too sweet for me but Dick's are sublime. It felt so good to get an extra long hug from Sasha and I took such comfort in seeing friends like Nick and Jeff, who also had been part of the Record Service family. For it was a family. Not that I even recognized it as such at the time, but it was. Another chosen family and those are so damn important in our lives. And the friends that weren't part of that time understood too, and their presence comforted me so much.

It's also at times like this that I value the role social media can have. Thank you to all who left thoughtful comments on my blog or Facebook or sent messages.

Thank you all. Your love is so important to me.

Five Snakes, and Now I Sit

Friday we decided to go to lunch with a couple of friends. Ernie was taking forever to get ready, as always, so I stepped out on the porch to wait for him. And there, lying right in the middle of my yet-to-be-seeded-because-it-keeps-raining zinnia bed was a snake. It had its little head in the air to add insult to injury. I, of course, screamed and pounded on the door because I was too hysterical to find my key. Owen and Ernie opened the door (Leo slept through the whole thing) and I screeched and pointed. They went out and relocated it. I sat and trembled on the couch. Really, what the fuck is wrong with me? They came in and calmed me down (and chuckled at me but I couldn't argue, I am indeed an idiot about this). They led me out to the porch again, I stepped out and screamed, "THERE'S ANOTHER ONE".  I heard Owen say, as I slammed the door, "Oh, there's two of them." Shiver. They were relocated and then Owen tried to lure me back to the door. Ernie looked out and said, "there's another one," and I practically passed out. Owen took care of that one and after lots of reassurances, Ernie pulled the car up and Owen led me to the car. As we stood there saying good bye to him, he got quite serious and said, "Go Ernest, GO." Evidently there was another snake. Would you like to go back and count? That's FIVE. Then I had to run to work for something and ended up arriving extremely late for lunch. Luckily they had missed my text saying, "Can't go. Too many snakes." And THEN at lunch Ernie told me that one of the snakes had been on the first step of the porch. I screeched, "WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT?" Sigh. The rest of the day was fine but I refused to go outside.

Yesterday morning we got up and it was too wet to do much in the garden. Well, honestly, I was too afraid. We were restless so we went for a drive. A little time in a cemetery in the country does me a world of good. I feel so calm in cemeteries. We took a few pictures, stopped and had a few drinks, went home and I read the Rosanne Cash memoir while Ernie drove Owen and the band around. They stopped and got Popeye's for the band and came back here and ate. I listened to them a bit, read my book, and laughed at them every so often. Later Ernie and I (read Ernie) grilled some chicken and we watched a bit of Netflix. Not a bad day. As Ernie had said, this is our weekend to relax. It's been a busy spring and it wasn't a great week, so rest.

This morning Ernie and Owen walked into the bedroom as I was coming awake. I could hear Ernie sniffing. He tried to talk but then gave the iPad he was holding to Owen. "Just show her," he said. Owen started to give me the iPad. At first I thought, "Oh, he broke the iPad. That's ok, it was already cracked." Then I saw the message on the screen. My dear friend Renee, telling me her husband, and our dear friend, Michael had died this morning. We all sat on the bed and looked at each other. I couldn't even cry. I just covered my face with my hands.

I came downstairs and pounded out a blog post about Michael. It helps to write.

Ernie scrambled me a few eggs. I ate and took a shower. Now I sit, not knowing what to do. What to think. What to feel.

This page from the Rosanne Cash book hit me hard yesterday afternoon. And of course, it hits me even harder today.

In the months since my father’s passing I had come to understand that the loss of a parent expands you–or shrinks you, as the case may be–according to your own nature. If too much business is left unfinished, and guilt and regret take hold deep in the soul, mourning begins to diminish you, to constrict the heart, to truncate the vision of your own future, and to narrow the creative potential of the mind and spirit. If enough has been resolved–not everything, for everything will never be done, but just enough–then deep grief begins to transform the inner landscape, and space opens inside. You begin to realize that everyone has a tragedy, and that if he doesn’t, he will. You recognize how much is hidden behind the small courtesies and the civilities of everyday existence. Deep sorrow and traces of great loss run through everyone’s lives, and yet they let others step into the elevator first, wave them ahead in a line of traffic, smile and greet their children and inquire about their lives, and never let on for a second that they, too, have lain awake at night in longing and regret, that they, too, have cried until it seemed impossible that one person could hold so many tears, that they, too, keep a picture of someone locked in their heat and bring it out in quiet, solitary moments to caress and remember. Loss is the great unifier, the terrible club to which we all eventually belong.

 

 

The Accord and Weasels

I'm so tickled that Ernie and Owen had such a good time last night at the Accord that I feel as though I went myself. I was sorry to miss it, but being at home, able to indulge not feeling well, with rain outside, and knowing I could tumble into bed whenever I wanted after watching my fill of Call The Midwives....well, as they say, priceless. Leo comes down and chats more when it's just us too, which made a nice evening even better.

I was proud of my baby O because he had such a good time at the Accord and seemed so comfortable. Should one be happy one's 15 year old is comfortable in a nightclub? Well, perhaps not, and yet, music is his passion and feeling comfortable in a chosen world is a gift. Feeling that you have found your tribe is vitally important. And so when Owen told me he went up to Darren Cooper to tell him how much he liked Three Hour Tour I was proud of him and happy. It made me think of being the same age and being in love with 19th century American glass and the thrill of going to antique shows and, despite my shyness, being able to chat to glass dealers no problem. When I recognize these threads of myself in the boys' lives I am reassured. The recognition helps me to put aside worries about this or that. I didn't take straight or even paths myself. Weasels you know. You breed weasels, you get weasels, and they are indeed my sweet, sweet weasels. So last night when Owen and Ernie got home, I came downstairs for a report and after hearing about the Handcuffs, and "Brad and Chloe this" and "Brad and Chloe that" and "Nick Rudd," "Nick Rudd," "Nick Rudd," I was happy and went to sleep smiling. Thanks to all for the kindness to my sweet weasel.

I am sad to see the Accord go despite the fact that I don't go all that often anymore (old). I hope bands like these will still have a home somewhere in town. Kudos to my beloved Seth Fein for his work at the Accord. I have faith in all his ventures.

Oh, and Owen made me swear not to put up too many pictures of him. Don't tell him please!

Somehow these photos worked best as a trio...

 

 

Sweet Relief

I have NOTHING planned today. No work after an insanely busy week or two. By all rights I should go take some pictures of the cherry blossoms at work but I don't know if I can drag myself over there. And I was counting on a blue sky today damn it. Cherry blossoms really need blue skies for great pictures. Anybody take great pictures of the cherry blossoms yesterday and want to contribute them? Sigh.

It's been so busy I don't even know what to say. Last weekend was crazy busy at work but great. Nick Offerman is delightful. I am quite smitten. A kind, kind man. He reminds me of Jason Ringenberg, except for the foul language and drinking. Good midwestern small town guys, talented and sure of who they are, and with big hearts. Good people.

I was worried sick about Friday's My Darling Clementine house concert attendance but it came ok. I would have liked more for them, but it was a great, GREAT show and I absolutely loved Michael Weston King and Lou Dalgleish, and their charming daughter Mabel. We always like the folks that come and play for us, but there are some you just click with and feel comfortable with right away. Oh, and people totally brought it as far as the potluck. Thanks all! I appreciate it SO much when you join us and make this all happen. If you didn't make the show, or even if you did, I TOTALLY recommend their recordings. They are fantastic songwriters. Well, of course they are great vocalists/musicians as well...but it always comes down to the song for me....

The only one that didn't have a good time on Friday was poor Annie. We tried to keep her out of our front room and she was PISSED. During any lull in music you could hear her wailing in outrage as she sat outside the door. You gotta love Annie. She is tough, opinionated and stubborn. She's an old lady and she isn't taking guff from anyone. Last night she claimed her rightful place. I have a feeling she won't be leaving that room for awhile...

Enough rambling...I can't focus. Here's a few random pictures instead...